Extra-friendly touchy-feely Friend of MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Extra-friendly touchy-feely Friend of MM
4
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 12:26am
As some of you may have read, MM told one of his friends about our A.

I met his friend the same night I met MM. Both were flirtatious towards me, but my attention went much more to MM. His friend recently went through a divorce. His wife was cheating on him.

The night that MM and I had our first physical contact, we were out at a bar with other people, and it ended up that the last people left were his friend, MM, and me. It was pretty awkward because MM and I had eyes for each other (undeclared as of then, but both of us knew what we wanted), so this other friend had to leave sort of awkwardly.

The next time I saw this friend, he was a bit cold and aloof towards me. But he got over it.

I hung out with MM and his friend the other night. His friend and I talked quite a bit that night. We didn't discuss the A, but I did talk about how I was unhappy in my marriage.

While we were talking, his friend was very touchy-feely towards me. I didn't push away, but I definitely didn't give him any "come hither" body language. He was sort of caressing me, touching my waist, my arm. Nothing over the top, and he'd been drinking, but nonetheless, still a little unnerving. I probably should have scolded him or something, but he never took his moves TOO far.

Do I tell MM about this? His friend seems kind of jealous of my R with MM. But he veils it. He was the one who told him not to have the A with me. He plays it sweet, giving me advice, etc. and tells me that I need to be honest with my H.

He seems to be giving me veiled advice not to be in my A, but at the same time, it's like he's courting me to be with him.

The reason I think I need to talk to MM about this is that I feel he needs to be careful about the supposed "advice" that this friend gives. This "friend" easily could say something about me that's not true, just to drive MM away from me so he could have his chance with me. At the same time, I feel like I need to be careful about what I believe that this friend tells me about MM. So far, he hasn't said anything bad.

Man, my life is turning more soap-opera-ish by the day...I used to have such a boring life....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 12:39am
May I remind you gently that you are involved in an AFFAIR. Perhaps MM's friend now finds you "easy" since you are already having an illicit relationship with his friend, what is one more, right?

I think that MM put you in a very compromising situation with this friend of his. Perhaps since your MM already has no scruples to speak of, you are seeing him truly now for what he is. Are you in this relationship purely for the sex, or is there more involved? Your MM does not sound like a winner to me, especially if he is running around town talking about his latest "conquest." Perhaps you need to reevaluate your situation, or more importantly, the company you keep.

Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 3:16am
You know, the extra guy sounds like he's in a pretty confusing place himself. My opinion is, you've got enough on your plate with one main dish and a side order. Let the extra one go. When you get divorced, you'll find thousands of sexually-ready-but-emotionally-incomplete men like your MM's buddy who are eager to have sex with you but can't be there in any other way because they really aren't truly available. Don't worry about not being able to find enough men to play with when the time comes! There are so, so many out there looking for a short-term version of love to help them forget the invariably evil, deceitful, boring, fat or non-sexual ex-wife. For now, you need to make some clear, logical, honest choices about what decisions will bring you and your children, if you have them, the greatest long term life benefits. Good luck, dear!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 1:36pm
Thanks for the reality check from both your responses.

I know I need to be careful about this. I'm new to being in an A, so I'm also new to the fallout that happens as time passes and people find out.

I'd like to talk to MM about his friend to see what he thinks. I don't think that MM is going around town, telling everybody of his "conquest". This other guy is a close friend of his and it was just so obvious to him that MM couldn't lie anymore.

But to look at it from another perspective, if I ever find a life partner again, the man MUST be comfortable with the fact that I get hit on quite a lot---I am a businesswoman, I am required to a lot of business networking, golf, etc. Sexual harrasment is alive and well, especially since alcohol is usually involved in these things. There aren't a lot of guys out there who are comfortable with their wives being in that position. But that is a reality in my profession. I had always held my own and never let anything progess further until I met MM. So yes, I do have my experience dealing with these sexually-ready-but-emotionally-incomplete men.

Never getting married again has been something I've thought a lot about lately, too. I've always been a very independent person, so it may turn out to be something I'd be very comfortable with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 4:04pm
what's your story mailbooboo?