eye contact and flirtation
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eye contact and flirtation
| Thu, 10-02-2008 - 1:51pm |
I am married, have been over 27 years. Years ago husband cheated and I found out. We entered counseling and tried to work things out. basically we did and after a 6 week separation, we got back together. Since then I have had three affairs. One off and on for several years, the other two very very short. My husband always caught me. I realized after quite awhile that I never fully forgave him for what he did. The first girl was 16 when he was 29! I cant even begin to tell you the pain and suffering I felt but I wanted this marriage to work. I love my husband dearly but have no passion at all.I am not telling this to make an excuse, just giving a bit of history. You've all heard it before. Last week I walked into the coffee shop I get my coffee from and saw a man there. We locked eyes and instantly smiled at each other. It was instantaneous attraction and I feel he feels it too. I saw him the second day and he was with three men. He saw me walk in and raised his eyebrows at me and gave a huge smile. On Saturday as I was parking my car, a man got out of the car in front of me and it was him! Yesterday I walk in and he is sitting with a girl whom I later found out was a business associate. He was turned away from me so figured he wouldn't see me. OH no! When I turned to leave he was staring right at me with this big huge smirk on his face. Later on in the day I see him driving down the road 30 minutes from where we live but on the opposite side of the road. He didn't see me but I saw him and am wondering why am I all of a sudden seeing this guy everywhere? Does it mean something? I feel like we have done this before somewhere at some time where we saw each other and locked eyes immediately but cant think for the life of me where or when! I found out from the manager he is divorced. I am extremely attracted to him and want to go up to him and talk to him. I know it is asking for trouble. The good thing is I leave soon for a vacation for awhile so I wont be seeing him but I would love to correspond by email. Am I that bad for feeling this way? I know in my heart it is wrong. I feel so desperate for attention and that great butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see him. I would never leave my husband and ruin my family's lives but at the same time I love that feeling and miss the passion.

I would sincerely advice you to not go ahead for the only reason that its a very tough road.The initial period is great -- new found love,passionate sex,excitement,etc but after a while it either begins to fizzle out or you get busted or get onto the typical emotional roller-coaster.If you still want to continue, set up boundaries,if its just sex you want ,keep it that way and dont let feelings come in between. the moment you get emotionally involved, tough ride awaits you.
Choose carefully.
I agree with heissick.
I seriously advise against going ahead w/ this A. If all your marriage is missing is passion then you should by ALL mean stop your behavior. I suggested to someone else to take a marital retreat for a week end. Go on a vacation, get counseling, but do something that will at least suggest that you are trying to make it work. Marriage is a lot of work. Just like anything worth having it requires maintenance. You can't drive your car forever and not keep up the maintenance, and expect a smooth ride indefinity. Same thing w/ marriage, but I will tell you one thing about A's, they are ten times the work, and everything is extreme. You either extremely happy or extremely sad. Extremely horny or extremely satisfied. There is no stability in an A, and I think that what makes it so appealing also makes it so hard. The excitement and not knowing are so surreal, but as with everything, it costs, and you have to decide if your willing to pay that high of a price when your marriage is less work, and better for everyone.
I wish you the best of luck, and please, please weight your options carefully. Keep us informed.
Thanks for the advice.