Failed Miserably!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Failed Miserably!!!
3
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 5:13pm
Well, my intentions were good, but I failed at my mission. I ended up going to Happy Hour on Wednesday with a large group of teachers from my district, knowing full well OM would be there. I made sure I looked great, went fully intending to make him drool then leave him there...well...we ended up leaving together and making out in his car. I didn't let it go any further than kissing, which took a lot of control, but I still feel like I failed.

I told OM that I was confused by his going back and forth, he said that he doesn't know what it is but he can't stay away from me. I told him that if he just wanted to be friends, he had to tell me right here and now, and that I could handle it. He said he didn't want to end things, but that eventually "one day" it would have to stop. He also feels the need to keep telling me that if we had met when we were both single, "it never would have worked out", which I don't necessarily believe, but I am unsure as to why he keeps reminding me of that. He kept saying that we had our own "seperate lives" (which I already know) and that he loves his Fiance', etc. etc.

The strange thing is...I'm not that upset this time. I didn't call him on Thursday, but I got several e-mails and a call on my cell. Today we e-mailed back and forth a few times. Then about 20 minutes ago, he called my house first, then my cell. I didn't answer either. I think making him come to me actually worked.

I am just unsure as to how to proceed from this point. I am assuming that we will continue to see each other once in a while, and talk/e-mail every day. Right now it doesn't hurt, but I wonder what it will be like in the future...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:17pm
I hope you won't get your feelings hurt by this guy. I don't personally like how he said "even if we were single it wouldn't have worked out". Why the Heck is that/

Maybe its just me, but that would make me feel pretty put down. You don't want to hear stuff like that, do you??

Its much better to hear "if only we were single ..."

Well, just my opinion. But I would give him the cool treatment for awhile and see what happens. I wouldn't make myself too available until I was sure what he felt about me and about having some sort of relationship.

I mean, even if its only for sex ( which is what I have), I don't expect him to say he "loves" me, but I do expect him to say nice things to me and things that make me feel good about myself and make me have a good feeling about our time together too. You still need to have your self respect and having a guy say "some day it will have to end" and "it would never work out", well, that would be a real downer for me.

Guess you have to decide, but it doesn't sound like there's alot of good feelings going on here for you. Take care honey,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:49pm
Honey, you didn't fail -- don't say that. You just tripped a little. No harm done. Just protect your heart and your head. Don't let him lead you so far along that you start to feel like you're not as wonderful as you really are. Keep your perspective and remember there are lots of men out there that would treasure you for everything that is terrific about you. And next time.. if you really want to impose NC for awhile, you know you can't do it and still see him so you will have to forego some things for awhile -- but that will be on YOUR terms, when YOU want to. Hang in there Circe. You did fine!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:39pm
Thank you so much dustyrose and saturdaysister for your words of support.

Just to respond to some of what you said:

dustyrose - I was hurt when he said "it wouldn't have worked out" too, but earlier he had said the exact opposite, which was "I wish we would have met when we were both single; Why didn't we meet 3 years ago," etc. Suddenly it changed to "It wouldn't have worked out". I am confused because I don't know if he genuinely means that or if the guilt was getting to him. I would like to think that he didn't mean it, because we get along so well and have such a strong emotional and mental connection. We're practically best friends. So I didn't know how to take it. Luckily, I feel like I'm actually OK with everything, even if he said the physical part was over, I think I can handle it now, while a month ago, I was a wreck.

saturdaysister - Thank you so much for your encouragement. I just went into it with such good intentions, by even kissing him I felt like a failure. At least I know now that I *can* stop at kissing, and it didn't go any further, which was hard. Although I'm not imposing complete NC, I am cutting down drastically on how much I talk to him. And I have seen him in person at least once a week since the A started, and this week I won't be able to, which might be a good thing! :)

Thanks again girls!

-Circe