Fear of any REAL commitment????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fear of any REAL commitment????
10
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:58pm
Anyone else think they are involved with a married man because they fear real commitment?

I became involved with a married man a couple of months ago. The relationship helped me get out of a stifling relationship I was in and I am grateful for that.

Recently my married man whom I love dearly as a friend (we were friends first)and keep as a lover because he is fantastic, told me he had told his wife she had to get some couseling for her jealousy (I know, of all things) or he was leaving her. I realized then that I did not want him to leave her! I think what I like most about the relationship is that it won't be anything more than it is. I still date other people and don't take him to seriously. He and I are what we are and I don't think to much about it- my friends think I'm crazy and are worried about me.

Anyone else feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:34pm
I wish I could help you. My situation is that we are both M.

After reading your post, you seem to be pleased with your R

with your MM, and just want to keep it at that. You have

already answered your question, weather you would want

total commitment to him or not. You don't.

You seem to be happy with the situation at hand, and I would

not mind your friends comments, you need to make yourself

happy first. You seem to be happy with your decision.

You must be able to make yourself happy first, then others.


Keep up the good work,

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:52pm


Actually, I started out like that. I spent a month encouraging him to "fix things" with her last year.

I'm not afraid of commitment. But we've already been through a lot together, and I did some long hard thinking...I don't know if it will ever happen, but if it does, I'll go to him with joy in my heart.

And if he doesn't tell her that we're writing a book together, before we get a contract, it just may happen. If she doesn't just shoot both of us, first. LOL



Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:56pm


Funny you should say that...about her shooting you.

My friends told me they think that she would kill me if she found out. Is any one truly scared of the "original woman?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:43pm
*raises hand* I know that is why I'm with my MM. After two decades in a marriage where only one of us were interested making it work, I know for a fact another marriage is the LAST thing I want. At the risk of sounding jaded, I guess the bright side of a marriage that didn't work is I can live life on my own, without a SO to share things.

Utimately, I don't want to risk the emotional termoil that goes with a committed relationship - such as marriage. BTDT and it nearly crushed me emotionally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:54pm
<<<>>>


Only if she decided to SIT on me ;) BIG WOMAN.....

**Terri**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:59pm
Well, I'm already in a marriage, and my "friend with benefits" is in a marriage as well, and I wouldn't want it any other way!! I would never pursue a single guy; too complicated for me. I like that our relationship is what it is and will never go any further than that!

KC
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:01pm
<<<>>>>

<<<<< Count me IN!>>>>>> Yep. Don't need a shrink to tell me that either. AFter 1 bad marriage, 2 lousey live-INs, another bad marriage ending in separation and then finding out 17 years later that he died in a fire, I think the R I have with MM is Okey Dokey.....and Puuurrrrrfect for what I want 90% of the time. The other 10%? Wish he could stay the night JUST ONCE!

**Terri**

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 9:11pm
Oh... yeah. Absolutely hit the nail on the head. I've been in two (count 'em--two) relationships in my life, and the first lasted a grand total of maybe two dates. Then I met my MM at the very beginning of July last year and we're still together.

Honestly, I do have some jealousy issues--I know that if it came down to a choice between me and his wife, he would stick with his marriage. And yeah, that hurts sometimes, but you know, I just have to be logical. Do I want to marry him? No freakin' way. We're hot together, yes. But that's it. And I ran from my first relationship because the guy was way too serious about it. He wanted commitment, and that is not something I do well. So yeah. Definitely in it for a physical thing... most of the time, lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:49am
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

Hah! Now that's what I'm talking about. I say it's just sex. He says it's more than that. It is? You go home every night to her, your "grown kids" who won't leave the nest, and you tell me it's more? And the moon is made of CHEEEZZEEE. :) I'm smarter than that. I'm in it for the recreation, not all the garbage that goes with "commitment i.e. "Where are you going? Who are you going with? What's for dinner? Why didn't you pay that bill? Well, you get my point. Been there, done that....NO THANKS !

**Terri**

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 2:03pm
That's right! Forget it, I don't even go there. He knows what it is as well as I do, and in the meantime... I'm learning a lot I can use if I DO find a guy I want to land, lol.