fed up with being the other woman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
fed up with being the other woman
6
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 1:04pm
I am new here and atually heard about it through lhj.com. I am eager to share my frustrations with someone who can relate. I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years now, he is seperated from his wife, although they still live together with their 2 young kids. I absolutely hate the fact that i settle for this, and i hate it that he has not left her yet. I am almost to the point of saying goodbye and good riddance...anyone else here in this position?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 1:38pm

hi notnumberone and welcome!


i'm not in your position, but why are you still settling for the status quo?

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 2:09pm
I understand your frustration. My situation is a bit different. I was with MM and I left H. He left W. We are now together but he has not admitted to W that we are together. She even caught us out the other day (and proceeded to call me a wh0re) and he still is denying that we are together. It's pretty frustrating. She said she doesn't care who he dates (not as if it is any of her business) so long as it isn't me. I don't know if he isn't admitting it to make their D smooth between them or because W told his mom bad things about me, or what, but I am getting pretty fed up with being a secret. As far as I am concerned we are both single now and should be allowed to see whomever we want. I also have not told H who I am dating but that is because H is friend's with MM's W and would tell her and MM doesn't want her to know. It is just dumb! I am ready to give him an ultimatum and you should too. I am going to tell him that he needs to either admit that he's with me or don't be with me. I am not going to be strung along forever! I am young and attractive and I know I could have PLENTY other dates if he keeps it up! Funny that you made this post today because I was actually PO'd about it today! Stand up to him. There is no reason for him to be dinking around!
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 3:58pm
My situation is a little different. My MM told me and his W he was leaving for me then changed his mind. My brain understands but my heart is a little damaged. For me, i am just not ready to move on yet. i am open minded to dating but not ready to follow through yet. i hope someday i am strong enough to do it, at the same time, i want to enjoy what we have and move on when i am READY. it is frusturating, but i am learning about being alone (i am seperated) for the first time ever, so i think i need this time to straighten things out in my mind. And i hopefully will KNOW when i am ready to move on. YOU sound like you have reached that point, look at it as a blessing. You have reached the point where you are ready to put it on the table. That's not all such a bad thing... take it from me, it's a blessing in disguise!

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 10:16pm
Can I please just ask one question? Maybe I am naive, but how can he be "separated" but "living with her?" Aren't they mutually exclusive?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 12:25am
"As far as I am concerned we are both single now and should be allowed to see whomever we want."


I think when D is final that is when you are single . Until then not exactly . If it pisses his W off that you are dating her soon to be EX-H .......no need for her to know .

She may just make the D so much harder and complicated .

I am sure you don't want that to happen .

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 12:24pm
U know that's a good question. You see when we first started dating, she was 6 months pregnant with their second child. They were having troubles but not seperated. He had to walk a fine line because she would threaten him with things such as the baby will not have your last name, or you won't ne there when the baby is born. She found out about us shortly thereafter and still thought they had a marriage. She wanted to forgive and forget, but he simply wanted to move on. She assumes that he and i were a one time thing and had no idea the status of our relationship. We were together everyday. She actually started finding little hints. I had left my sunglasses at their house, and her dauughter (3 years old) had mentioned that my boyfriend and I took her to the zoo. It all escalated when on accident one day i called their home and did not block it, so my cell phone number showed up on the caller id. She called me right back and did so everyday for about a week. I never spoke to her but she always left messages saying she wanted to know what was going on. This occurred in december 0f 2003. She has to know were together, bu he has never admitted it to her. She always threatens to take the kids or to tell his family. They share a home but that is all. He is always with me, when he is not at work, and doesn't leaves my house till around 3:00 a.m. H watches the hids on his two days off, and on those days she stays at her parents home. She is so not self sufficient. She cannot drive, and she doesn't work. She is very angry and i am sure she is not dating anyone, and as lifeless as thier relationship is, she still considers them married and does not feel he should date either. It seems as though she is holding on to him, either out of love or just to spite him. He has said that he is scared to actually divorce her at this point because he does not want to lose his kids, or deal with his family. Although he says she is looking for a job and planning on moving out, which i think will never happen. She lives for free, she pays no bills so why would she?