Feeling like an emotional blender
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:06am |
I’m torn because I want to be in MM’s life and I want him in mine. But then again, I want him to be able to put all his effort into the counseling and his M (that is, if he and his W decide they want to work on it). I know the M had issues long before I came into the picture. But I’m afraid MM can’t look at it clearly with me around. I wrote him a long letter today which I haven’t sent yet. The letter encourages him to be honest with his counselor, to think about who he is and what he really wants in life. I told him that to really make an effort to repair his M that he will almost certainly have to cut contact with me. I want him to know that I understand this and that although I hate the thought of NC, I would do it for him because I love him.
At the same time, I have my own M to deal with. I want to work on it – see what is left of it and see if it can be rebuilt. But DH is rarely around. How on earth do I rebuild with someone I never see? He is trying to cut back on some of his responsibilities so he can be around more. I really appreciate the effort, but I’m bothered by the lack of any short term progress. The kicker is, my marriage isn’t bad. Yes, it is lonely, but it isn’t bad enough that I feel I can just walk away – especially not with kids involved. I won’t say I’ve been really happy, but I was at least comfortable in it. But meeting MM and finding someone who actually WANTS to spend time with me has changed my whole perspective.
*Sigh* This hurts so much. I try to remind myself that sometimes growth is painful. I also try to remember that there is a plan for my life and things will work out as they should. But it is so hard.
Thanks for letting me ramble on. Like many of you, this is really the only place I can come to “talk” about these things. So I end with a question for those of you who have any experience with counselors. Neither my DH nor MM’s W know we’ve been talking since the email discovery a week and a half ago. (We’ve cut way back on the contact, but are still in touch.) MM plans to tell the counselor that we've talked – and I’m fine with that. However, I’d rather his W not know because I don’t want her to go ballistic again. His counselor has to keep it confidential, right?
Thanks again you guys! (((HUGS))) all around!

(((((((((((((((((((((Hugehugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) GB2... I feel for you hon... can't say I can give you any advice here... I know I would step back if MM asked and visa versa... thankfully for me... we both seem to want the same thing.
I just wanted to say that yes... the counsellor must keep it private...
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
Anyway, thanks again.
GB2