Feeling guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Feeling guilty
6
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 3:23pm
I just wanted to get this issue out in the open and see if anyone has a good way of looking at things. I met a man four years ago and I fell in love with him completely. Unfortunately for me, he was married and had three children. Another big problem was that I was engaged to another person at the time and I was having serious second thoughts. About six months after we met, we went to a work party and had a few drinks and almost kissed. Days later we discussed it and realized that we both had a serious crush on eachother. It was such a hard situation. Two weeks later we kissed and a week after that he left his wife. He told me that he hadn't been happy in his marriage for years and was only staying with her for the sake of the children. His wife was completely shocked by this. I then ended my engagement and we started seeing eachother. It couldn't have gone more perfectly. He divorced his wife and I met his kids and it really was wonderful. His wife though was devestated and said that we ruined her life. A year after his divorce was final we got married and we now have a one year old son. The problem is that I feel so guilty that i might have been part of the reason his marriage ended and that his ex-wife blames me. How can I feel better about this? I should be so happy, but this is really bothering me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: jmariemcc
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 3:38pm
Don't beat yourself up. I was never lucky enough for the man I love to leave his wife. He told me when we met that he had not felt the way he did in a long time. I hadn't either. I felt alive again and since I'm not with him now, I have lost that wonderful feeling. Don't feel guilty for your happiness. The ex maybe upset, but that's her right to feel that way, just like you have the right to be happy.

Think of the words of rapper Eminem "If you had one shot, to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it...or just let it slip?" You and your husband were brave and you captured it, don't regret that. I do everyday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jmariemcc
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 3:44pm
honey, you have everything you could want - a H who loves you, a child with him plus his other two children, a home and a life!! why are you still letting someone else mess with your head? YOU didn't make him leave his M, he left for himself. he wasn't happy with his W before you came into the picture. meeting you crystallized his unhappiness and he acted on it.

let go of that guilt -- it's not yours anyway. his exW will have to work it out on her own and live her own life. that's not your problem.

live long and be happy, please!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: jmariemcc
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 4:32pm
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Edited 10/1/2004 6:53 pm ET ET by sally289
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: jmariemcc
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 6:38pm

Hi hon,


I have to say what's done is done! there is not point worrying and feeling guilty about what is now in the long gone past.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
In reply to: jmariemcc
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 5:06am
DO it for the rest of that would love to be where you are! You were not the reason for the end of their mariage. BUT THE REASON for the begining of your wonderful life as two. How some of us must envy you! I understand the guilt, as I just vented elsewhere 'on the crap' topic, but you musn't feel it.. FLY FREE and HAPPILY!!! She will have to move on, and if your man has, this is what counts!

Hugs, Mitzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
In reply to: jmariemcc
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 7:05am
Darlin' you can't hold yourself responsible for the demise of his first marriage - that marriage was his and her responsibility to nurture and both of them failed. It's always easier to blame another than to step up to the plate and admit our own shortcomings...

Ponder this question "what is your guilty feelings accomplishing?"

*hugs*

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com