Feeling guilty and bad today....
Find a Conversation
Feeling guilty and bad today....
| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:02pm |
I am feeling really bad today. As all of you know I left my H shortly after my A started (bad M anyway). Last night right before I went to bed with MM (now b/f, he left M also) my DD called to tell me she lost her first tooth. She was so excited about the tooth fairy coming and it wasn't me. It was her dad and his new live in g/f. I should have been there for that and I cried myself to sleep feeling like the most horrible creature in the world for doing this to my children. To make matters worse H called me yesterday (while I was with b/f) to tell me that he still loved me and if I wanted to come home he'd kick g/f out in a heartbeat. B/f was listening to this conversation and I had to politely find a way to turn down H (because I do feel some guilt for leaving him and hurting him so badly) but at the same time I had to do it in a way that didn't make b/f uncomfortable. I just feel so guilty for doing this to my family. I think I'll go cry now...that's all. Thanks for listening.

Pages
And I'm sorry, but you're completely and utterly wrong about it being "different" if it is a man or a woman who leaves the house. I will have you know I am my son's primary caregiver and it is very difficult to know I won't be there for him everyday. I'm sure there will be many times I'll regret not being there. But I know it is the right thing and I'm not going to be guilted into staying in a bad M. I'm not saying Karen's situation is exactly the same as mine, but I'm just pointing out that feeling bad about not being there all the time does not equal feeling like you made a bad choice.
You claim to be worried about Karen. Well if that is true, then you should be more careful how you word your statements. Because what you said wasn't helpful at all.
I am sure it's quite hard on you to "share" the children with your EXH but it seems to me that it's wonderful she was able to call you and tell you this fabulous news - I can name several friends of mine that if their child lost a tooth - either the parents are too bitter to let the children make contact to the other person or they just say "too bad you missed out" -
It's hard moving on and making these adjustments - parents and children and everything else involved but you have to see thru all of this and feel that it's going to get easier.
Everyone is afraid of the unknown and I think that is where you are right now - in an unknown place - you need to find what will make you happy and run toward it !!
Good Luck - Stop crying
Kikki
you don't know the posters situation so don't judge -
I would leave my children with their father in a heartbeat - who makes a better parent ???
NEITHER -
I would feel my children and safe, cared for and loved with their father just as much as if they were with me -
Also I would not want to disrupt the children's lives any more than necesary such as putting them in a new home where they do not have their belongings that make them feel SAFE and LOVED -
School is another issue -
Their friends -
Why is everyone so --- the children have to stay with the mother ??
Aren't fathers responsible in this world too ??
I am sure it is hard enough for her as it is -
Back off !!
Kikki
What's important is that the children know that they're loved. Nothing else really matters.
I know there are some of you that agree with me...i know it. Maybe you don't like what I have to say, but I am entitled to my opinion and entitled to say so. I don't think Karen is a horrible person....I just think, based on her agony, that she has made a bad decision in leaving her kids. I just don't choose to smooth it over with an "ooooh you are sooo strong and everything will be fine" Did any of you read the post? Did you feel the post? She is devestated.
Blue
Blue
You think there are some of us who agree with you? Well if so, it would be a very small minority. We try to be non-judgmental here because each situation and each person is different. You can try to come in here as if you're helping by attacking and being rude. You're not the first person to try such an approach. But you'll find we don't particularly like being attacked. Not when we come here for support. It is fine to offer constructive criticism. But that isn't what you're doing. You say she made a bad decision in leaving her kids when she didn't leave her kids. She left her M. Yes, she is devastated right now, but sometimes what is right isn't easy.
So again, I'll suggest you either back off or try to be more helpful. I don't know what you think you're accomplishing but you're failing at it.
Much luck
Blue
Pages