feeling horrible the next day
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feeling horrible the next day
| Tue, 06-15-2010 - 6:54pm |
Hi. I am new here, but I have been reading a lot of posts. I have been wanting to share my story, but it's not that easy to get it out; at least not yet. So I decided to start with just a question that has been eating me for a long time.
When I see

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Yes, it's the same here...and we've been together for three years.
The same happens to me, and it seems just like your AP mine doesn't seem to miss me until after days have gone by. In the mean time I long for an email or the beep of a text message :(
It's the same here.
anotherseyes
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Even though we talk every day (2-6 times) it does not help much in terms of the pain of missing him (though it does help somewhat.. On the other hand, when you are used to a 'large volume of calls' it is the scarier when for some reason he can't call all day.. but I am rambling here.. :)
There was one week when we met 6 days out of 7. On that week I did not feel the loss because I knew I could see him the next day when we departed. Some our meetings were only an hour long or even less (quick dinner after work etc), but it does not matter how short, seeing him just makes me sooo happy and energetic!! :) But then, when I can't see him for 4-6 days it becomes painful, the squirrels are starting to run lose and go crazy etc.
Here is a tip: What AP and I did is that he has been sleeping in the same T-shirt for a week then gave it to me. I sleep in it and it smells wonderful, just like his skin!! It makes me feel like he is here with me. It is obviously not as good as the real thing, but at least something!;-)
The other thing that would be great is if we knew exactly when we will see them again, but of course it is very hard to plan with a MM, you never know when he will have an unexpected 'opening' etc.
Hang in there! We are all suffering but the highs are worth it!
Definately the nature of the beast..... AP and i have talked about it.. so much so i hate the parting each time and have said to him not to say anything that will set off the squirrels in the final 15mins before we separate as
Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009
I feel the same way!
'after we say goodbye we text or talk while he's on his way home. '
Yes, we do that too!! :-) Although yesterday after being together, he could not call as he was meeting his wife right after seeing me. :( I hated it (that he could not call) because he almost always is and it is so comforting (helps to ease the pain the next day).
'He is usually pretty quiet the next day and for several days after.' My AP can be pretty quiet too, the next day compared to himself.. I wonder why? Probably man brain/heart figures that if you were together for a bigger chunk of time then you both got your 'dose' of each other and that will sustain you for a bit, so no need to call right away(or something like that).
My logic would be the opposite - after a wonderful time it only strengthens the bond to talk asap, and discuss what an awesome time we had! On the other hand, I am pretty insatiable in terms of phone calls, no amount of calls from him is enough to kill those squirrels for good.. :-)
Thank you everyone for your replies.
Hi Freedom
I can absolutely relate to what you just wrote! After I see him, I feel great, happy, confident, and sure of our A. But then the next morning, the squirrels and desperation start to creep in. I start stalking him on Facebook, rereading things he's sent me (which I should delete, oops....), and just waiting and hoping my text message sound will beep.
But like many others said, it seems that it's the opposite for male APs. We go crazy immediately after, but for them, it's the whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', because I know that when I stay away, he always comes back to me.
I think that it often seems to be the 'nature of the beast' with As. If we want to stay in them, we have to learn to deal with certain things like this. It sounds like some of the posters have been able to talk to their AP about this, which is great, and if things keep going between me and my AP, I might at some point if it feels right. Maybe not.
With As, I think we almost have to develop a 'dual' mindset with our lives. When you are with him, be WITH HIM. When you are apart, go back to your 'real life' with your H and kids, and throw yourself into that life. Keep yourself busy, do the things you enjoy. See your friends. Is there a friend you can tell about the A that you completely trust? I find that has helped enormously. In general, get back to your 'real life' and then enjoy your 'other life' when you have the opportunity. I know, easier said than done.
I'm waiting for my AP to get in touch with me. Last day of work at my contract, he was telling me he wants us to continue, and always has, and wants us to have an overnight really soon. He was very passionate, warm, conversational, and reassuring. But that was Thursday! I'm finished work there so I haven't seen him since. And I refuse to be the first to text him, because I feel the ball is in his court.
But I'm starting to go insane!!! Squirrels are everywhere! I'm trying to do school work but am stalking him and this message board!
But as the days go by, the ache for him starts to diminish. Then that's usually when it seems he starts to miss me and bang! I get a text.
I'm just really hoping for a text within the next couple of days.
Sorry Freedom, I realize I ended up talking a lot about myself (I seem to do that a lot here) but basically, you are not alone! Many of us are in very similar situations, going crazy in the days immediately after, and then picking ourselves up eventually. But male AP's seem to be the opposite often.
Good luck! Hope you hear from him.
Edited 6/16/2010 11:18 am ET by lucyford99
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