Feeling pains of guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Feeling pains of guilt
3
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 6:57pm
This new format really sucks. I hate change.

Now on, with my issue of guilt. I know MM's, W, pretty good (not by choice). She is a lonely person. She is a product of her enviroment. Her mother had 13 children by 10 different men. Just to paint you a picture of how she was raised. She had a twin but she died at birth. She is very with drawn, there is not one person she can say is a "friend" other than her older sister. She does "nothing for entertainment". She works, comes home and sits in her room and reads her bible. She goes to bible study on Wednesday nights, and goes to church on Sunday, and that is the end of her social activites. She lives in a world all her own. When you look at it, it's really kind of sad.

This is what makes me feel guitly. Here is this person, who has never done anything to anyone, pretty much minds her own business (until you mess with her husband), tries to live a "Christian" life, she insists that her daughter be involved with church as well as school, basically a good person.

Here I am sleeping with her husband. How awful is that. I should have never started this EMA. I'll be the first to admit, and MM will too, the only problem he has with his W, is her need to control everything, and everybody in her life. She is a major "control freak". She runs everybody away from her. That is why she doesn't have any frineds.

Just needed to vent a little tonight. They have put monitors on our computers at work, so I can't post while at work. What a bummer.

Avatar for babeslvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:05pm
i dont know what to say. she almost sounds like a recluse. other then the control thing and they might even be control freaks to. cant say i feel sorry for her. i am sure someone has told her she needs to quit controling everyone. so it is her own fault. and there must be a reason for her turning to god and become consumed with it. sounds like she needs conseling. i think that you are not feeling guilty but you are feel sympathy for her.
Avatar for incognito1964
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:10pm
secret, it sounds like she lives a very sad existance indeed. but that is her choice to live the way she does, so dont take it personally and dont beat yourself up about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:14pm
Forget your guilt.

While an unhappy childhood/background does influence us and can mold us in some ways, at some point in our lives we become adult and make our own decisions. She has chosen to limit her social activities, to take on a martyrdom that no one asked her to take. And she either hasn't done much self-reflection or she doesn't care to see that by letting go of control, especially of those we purport to love, we GAIN so much more.

Would her husband be with you if he were happy with her? No. It's his choice. Let it stay that way.

Please feel better soon. The W has her own issues to sort out and frankly, at this point, you are the least of them! Spend your energy on something more productive, like shopping or eating ice cream or watching tv... or working, I guess, since you said you're at work! LOL.

Cheer up!

-lily

PS. I HATE THIS FORMAT, TOO!