Feeling rather annoyed today

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Feeling rather annoyed today
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:33pm

Nothing has gone right today.  I went away for the weekend with a couple of friends and had a lot of time to think.  I came back and suddenly felt very antsy.  I even snapped at Cowboy when he came over to take me out to lunch and work with one of the horses.  I don't snap at people.  

I also treaded into a conversation that I should have kept out of since I was feeling ultra bitchy.  I flat out asked him why he'd want to choose the difficult route and wait until he got caught if he was so miserable with her, especially since he seems like he's TRYING to get caught (his neighbor had just left the restaurant we went to moments before we pulled in).  I didn't get an answer but the expression made me stop talking.  I instantly went into protective mode.  It made me feel even more helpless and confused today, brought up even more questions and made me realize just how hard this is going to be.  Yep, you told me so.  I'm pretty sure he has no clue how he left me today.  He thinks I'm just tired from the weekend.  I'm supposed to see him on Friday.  Do I let this go and quit thinking about what happens next month or 6 months from now?  Or do I find out what his intentions are?  If they're just to have fun, I'm okay with that but I don't want the talk about the future anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 10:53pm

I'm glad you were straightforward with him.  That's hard for many people early on in an A, so it is good that you are already able to speak your mind.  Just out of curiosity, if you know your M is over, why are you not taking the steps you need to get out? Are the situations you get into as equally dangerous (as far as discovery) for you as they are for him? If so, why do you engage in them?  Maybe thinking about your own motivations will help you understand him.  And excuse me in advance if you are taking steps to D and I just missed it.  

I think one of the best ways to see how serious he is is to actually move out and begin the steps to end your M.  If you already know it is inevitable, then it will often give you some idea of how serious your AP is to be with you.  Sometimes it shows the AP you are really serious, and encourages him to take his own steps.  Other times it makes things pretty intense, and the A falls apart. That doesn't mean the A will end, but seeing how he reacts and if he takes steps to get closer after that point can definitely be an indicator of his seriousness.

I hope tomorrow is a better day!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:48pm
The emotional roller coaster...don't you love it?! Yes, breathe and relax. I wonder the same about ap; really have to cut it short? But worrying abt one thing doesn't help. Focus on the future. It helps when I think of when I see ap next. And how wonderful I will feel. My tears dried up long ago. Lol


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:50pm

I guarantee you'll have a lot of spiral downwards!  It's good that you're both communicating.  xAP is a decade older than me, and even after 6 yrs together he had insecurities about that.  I look younger than I am, and in his mind that didn't help.  He's damn good looking & has a bod better than most guys 20 yrs younger, and still acts like a kid sometimes, but he comments about people thinking I'm out with my dad or that I'd find him old & boring if I was with him all the time.  It's something your AP is going to have to overcome & be secure with.  No matter what I said or did, I couldn't change how he felt about it.

Glad you're feeling better today!  Dogs are easier, too!  lol