Feeling real down

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Feeling real down
10
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 12:11am

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Edited 9/26/2009 1:22 pm ET by lostintransition

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 12:33am

It IS tough establishing, growing, nurturing, and deepening relationships. I take the view that if is meant to be then it will work out regardless what "mistakes" I make.

I don't believe you did anything *wrong* per se for if he was the right guy then it would not matter if you had sex early or not or that you are official or not IMHO.

Sorry that you are feeling such anger, unhappiness, and discouragement.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 12:42am

Aw thanks Mark! I'm glad that you're posting on here, its nice having a male perspective...


I keep telling myself that sex shouldn't be a deal breaker but that if he really liked me and if things were meant to be then it wouldn't matter if I slept with him... Maybe I have anxiety problems but before the sex he'd text me periodically throughout the day and go in depth about how his day is, and how excited he was to see me, etc... now after the sex I get one or two word replies, or a "miss you" once a day... not sure if he's even being sincere in that... or this could just all be in my head...


Thank you for your reply!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 1:14am

I understand that is a common behavior. I don't know the psychological/scientific reason on the "why" but that's the way it is for most guys. After the conquest then they lose interest.

Now for me, it is "I want more!" LOL. Take care and huggggs.

BTW I love the Bill Murray movie, Lost In Translation.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 1:40pm

How are you doing lately?


I am curious on how you met the fireman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 4:06pm

Oh Lost, I think it is OK. He wanted to be exclusive right? And he still texts you, right? The intensity does fade after a bit, but that is when the real R starts. Try not to be too needy and clingy. He is an asset to your life, not your whole life.


Hang in there..I think it will be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 12:09am

Lost,


I want you to stop feeling bad about screwing things up with this guy immediately!!


you did NoTHING, i repeat NoTHING, wrong at all. If a guy is serious about you and really wants you, it doesn't matter if you have sex after 2 weeks or after 2 months. this is for sure.


If he wanted to really date you before sex, then he will want to continue to date you after.


Cheer up :)


Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 4:01am

Snowstorm-


So glad to see you on here and thank you for the advice! =)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 1:11pm

The firefighter may get back in contact with you but probably for a booty call. It IS hard to create a sexual AND emotional relationship. I think having sex "too soon" preempts the emotional connection for guys. I do know that the biochemistry of women of sex creates an emotional tie.

Mark who wants just unfettered sex, sex and emotional connection, and emotional connection without sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 1:21pm
Well, I highly doubt that he'll get in contact just for a booty call.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 1:34pm

The frequency of communication can be misinterpreted. As you pointed out, it could be just your anxiety. It can be hard to read into why behavior changes. It could be that he is working or being with the guys more or that he ran out of emotional energy and all of that has nothing to do with you.

Let us know how things go.

Take care,
Mark