feeling a sense of calm
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|Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:37am|
Hi all. Just updating a bit. Have been reluctant to post as not in the mood to be lamblasted by still_there and other lurkers but I'm ok now. I've been separated from H for a couple of weeks. I can honestly say I am feeling a tremendous sense of calm. Life is no different- actually much easier now that I don't have to cook and pick up after him. My only sadness is less time with DD and the stress this causes for her to be away from me. But she is creature of habit and I think will adjust. Before we initiated it, H talked about how he couldn't believe I was doing this- things were not that bad- but then in the next breath he'd say he was not happy either. I think he is coming to terms with it- but it will always be my fault I know in his mind. He said he pretty much knew this will lead to a permanant separation. I didn't deny that.
Also had a long overdue talk with my family about this. They were supportive of whatever decision. My AP and I are still together (secretly), but I keep him on the periphery of this. He has been afraid of losing me and has said that several times because he still has to stay in his M for a while. Basically I told him that I really just need to focus on getting through this and making sure DD was ok. That whatever happens to us was really in his court but I wasn't looking for a quick H replacement. Additionally I'm not looking to date other men