Feelings

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Feelings
3
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:55am
Good morning all,

I am not good with the discussion title thing, but I have a problem.

I have been involved with my MM for just over six months now, but I have had strong feelings (I'm in love with him) for a lot longer. In an attempt to try and deal with my confusion and to save my M, I had started to give my H hints last summer about how I was feeling. Then, when the emotional R with MM began, my guilt was overwhelming so I told H about it. That me and MM would email each other, meet for coffee, and that I have kissed him. He was generally very understanding and we had long conversations about my feelings. I have been with H since I was 17, and up until this new R, he was the only person I had ever been intimate with. So with that said, my H understood that maybe I was curious about being with somebody else. Unfortunately, my feelings are/were much more than curiosity.

After the initial conversations with my H, which I also told MM about, H started acting out. He said he thought he could handle my "friendship", but now realizes he can't. My MM said that H needs time to heal.

However, now everytime me and H have an argument about something, the whole issue of what he calls my semi-A, comes up. He is very angry. I continue to withdraw. H does try very hard, he bought me roses on the weekend, and this morning he sent me a love note in my email.

It is definitely a confusing state of A's.

Thanks for listening.

Red




Edited 4/22/2004 9:19 am ET ET by red_bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: red_bella
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 8:02am
You know red, I really think you and H should see a marriage counselor. I think the idea that you were having emotional intimacy with another man really bothers your H, and really who can blame him if he loves you. But the fact that he continually brings it up during arguments that are totally unrelated tells me that he has issues that he's not discussing with you that he needs to work through.

Find a really good marriage counselor and try to work through it if you can. Are you now physically intimate with your MM? Or is it still just an emotional A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: red_bella
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 8:25am
Yes, bad_kitty, I agree with the counselling and I have told H that I think we should go, but usually after one of his outbursts, he feels remorseful and apologetic, and he doesn't feel we need the counselling that he can deal with it. I've told him that I plan to seek counselling on my own anyway, but for some reason, I just feel that it is the next step towards the end of my M.

And yes, the EMA has evolved into a physical relationship. Just another nail in the coffin.

Thanks for your response.

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: red_bella
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:50am
I agree that you should seek counseling on your own. I did "marriage" counseling alone too. However, if you feel that your marriage is over, and are not willing to work on it, like me...then eventually you'll have enough and it will be over.

Red, sounds like we're in the same boat in that regard. All my love and good wishes.