Feelings about what you are doing...
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Feelings about what you are doing...
| Wed, 09-17-2008 - 1:54pm |
Like I said in my intro, I am really new to this - less than a month of actual physical contact.
| Wed, 09-17-2008 - 1:54pm |
Like I said in my intro, I am really new to this - less than a month of actual physical contact.
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I have no guilty feelings what so ever.
I feel no guilt about my AP because I went over 20 years without having one while H had many.
This is such a cool board and everyone is so honest and open, it's great!
I started my A while I was still M, but moved out about three months into the A. My M is going on 22 years, D will be final next year, just due to some financial things.
I didn't feel guilty about the A, STBX and I were pretty distant at that point, and I was already planning my exit. Now being somewhat single, I don't even feel like I am in an A, but AP is still with W and makes comments about a future with me, but not too much.
Currently AP is facing a very difficult illness and other problems, so there is no rush for him to add a difficult D to the picture. I am not pushing for him to. He needs to just deal with his health first. AP tells me that I am the only good thing he has and that he is so glad to have me in his life. When the illness was first diagnosed I wanted his W to step up to the plate and do all she could to help him through this, and I told him so. From what he says, and it's not too much because I don't ask, she is just going on like all is normal.
I try to not think too far ahead, right now we are there for each other. Sometimes I do wonder if him being in an A with me is blocking the blessings, so to speak.
In many respects this A is not the fun escape that most of us fall into. It kills me to see him in pain, to wonder what will happen with his health. But it also confirms that this wasn't just a fling, that there are real deep feelings involved.
Just when I think I am ready to move on from this board, a post like this strikes a chord with me.
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