felt the need to post today

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
felt the need to post today
2
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:46pm
Hi everyone.. Just needed to post today. I've been in lurktown for a while. You might remember me you might not. I've been having a sexual A for over a year now. And can't seem to make a balace lately.

1. My H has been suspecting things, due to a recent situation with someone else other than MM. I have a single guy friend at work who has a 5 yr. old dd. They come over once a week so my dd can play with his daughter. Well my in-laws asked dd "what does mommy and her dad do while you play"? She said they kiss and hug!! Mind you my dd is 4 yrs. old. Well I have no idea why she said that, but maybe she got confused that they give each other a kiss and hug when they leave. But I told my H that NOTHING happened with him. YUK anyway!! He's a nerd!!! That was a little while ago, and it's still an issue with H.

I go see my MM maybe once sometimes twice a week. I always say I'm picking up my friend from work and visting for a while. He's becoming suspicious lately about seeing that guy friend that comes over. But I'm not seeing him, I'm seeing MM!!!lol but it just makes me feel guilty being with mm. I keep reassuring him nothing is going on, so I hope he doesn't snoop even further!! I'm pretty smart in my tracks, and I know I"m smarter than him.

2. I think my R with my mm is becoming something more. I'm not sure, but it feels like it sometimes. What he says while we're doing it. Says stuff like He can't imagine having sex with anyone else(in nicer words for ivillage sake)!! Then he asks if I think about him as much as he thinks about me. I told him I think about him more. He says he thinks about me everyday. He says he only wants to be with me(sex wise) and not his wife. We call each other's body parts ours. maybe we shouldn't see each other as much as we do, but I can't let go!! I think about him ALL the time, and it's like he controls my moods. When I don't hear from him, I think he doesn't want me anymore, or I get depressed, I need to hear him still want me. It does help though when he calls me his *uc*wh**re!! It helps me think, if he really liked me he wouldn't call me that, but I wanted him to in the first place!! weird hah? this whole thing is just a fantasy!!

I know you all have heard people say stuff like this all the time on this board.. But I just had to get it out.. I'm soo not happy today...

Thanks and sorry so long...




Edited 4/23/2004 1:01 pm ET ET by chrissluver

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 1:00pm
(((luver))), sorry you're having such a rough time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 1:15pm
Thanks flrty for the hugs. It's just hard to keep a balance. Being a wife, mother and a lover is stressful. Especially when I'm not happy in my M. I can't stand to have sex with H. I get turned off when he touches me. He bites his nails and fingers and it looks discusting. I h ate it when he touches me down there. We don't kiss like make out and he's been bugging me to, but the thought of it just makes me get disgusted. I don't know what it is. I kiss mm fine. I'm not attracted to H and I am to mm.. It's just hard to be married when you're not attracted to that person and you're having sex with someone you are attracted to, but he's also married.. AUGH!!!!!!!!!!! What I life I live hah??
Gina