Fence-sitting is slowly killing me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Fence-sitting is slowly killing me....
1
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 12:32pm
I told H about 4 months ago that I wanted a divorce. My marriage of 6 years was never a good one. I should never of married H. Anyway when MM and I hooked up both our marriages were almost over. His more over than mine. He's getting a divorce wether I'm in the picture or not. Me, on the otherhand, I can't help but think that I feel so bad for H that if mm were not in the picture I would stay. Yes, H was an a$$hole for 6 years but ever since I told him I wanted out he has been nice. The passion is not there at all. Our sex life was non-existant during our marriage. I don't have ANY passion for him. We tried couseling. It actually made things worse. There's alot of resentment over they way he treated me. Any suggestions? I've tried NC with MM twice to help me clear my head. Didn't work. Were CRAZY about eachother. I need to hear his voice. So how do I know if it's just guilt? H begs me to stay. I feel so bad it's almost unbearable. But when I'm with MM, which is alot, I don't even think about H. I need to get off this fence!!!!! Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 12:39pm
I am somewhat facing the same....only my H is great. I am only trying to make it through the holidays. My problem is that my H and I have been through so much in 12 years that I feel completely guilty for wanting a divorce. He is a great H and daddy, but I am not in love with him. We cohabitat and that is about it - totally because of me though, because he is crazy about me.

On the otherside, my MM is not leaving his W and kids (and doesn't plan to). That makes it much harder is some ways. But I want him in my life and I'll take him however I can.

The main thing you have to remember is that you have to take care of yourself. We can't make other people happy. We have to make ourselves happy. I beginning to realize that.

Good luck.