Finally broke up with him
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|Tue, 03-05-2013 - 4:06pm|
The title says it all.
It feels really scary. It felt like our relationship has strenghtened over the past months. We had our ups and downs, but the downs became fewer and the ups, better. There was less jealousy, but still this nice connection and great sex. He was always excited to see me no pun intended, it never slowed down. There was less anxiety on my part. It felt like I believed him more, despite all the people around me rolling their eyes about our relationship. He was like my boyfriend. I knew he would be there for me when I needed and when he could of course. He was telling me he was my man and I was his woman. That we will never break up. That I'm his Russian destiny (his late father worked to the Cuban gouvt and was very much into the Soviet culture and wished my AP had a Russian woman LOL). He even started learning my mother tongue and told me how he would talk to my parents in it one day. Few days ago, he told me that he loved my son, because he loved me. He got him a bike for his 5th bday 2 weeks ago....
Except that the time was passing by and here we are, almost a year since the W came to Canada and I was even ready to wait more, since apparently, she was slow to adapt or whatever the reason was that he still couldn't break up with her "now". And everytime, I would say that I"m feeling bad, he would get annoyed, because apparently my bad feelings didn't make sense. That I knew how much he loved me and that there's nothing with her, she's like a roomate to him and all I had to do is to believe him and to continue enjoying nice moments until our time came. And I would enjoy moments with and without him, but the bad feelings (anger, insecurity) would resurface. How much can one possibly wait without any indication on the "when" ?
Part of me believes that once the time comes, he'll come back to me. Another part of me thinks that maybe he just mislead me. He didn't try to retain me. He would say that he loved me, but if I can't control my bad feelings, I should just make my decision. To me that felt like pushing me to break up, but he never agreed to that. So it's done.
I'm feeling sad about the so many nice moments we could have together. Part of me feels angry too. Part of me, regrets. But I'm not destroyed. Another part of me knows that I'm great and once I'm through my grief, the single man of my life will appear. It's just a matter of time...