Finally found out what ties are binding...
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|Fri, 09-21-2012 - 2:42pm|
I asked him how long he's been married and he's been with her for over 35 years. When he told me that, I just gave him a sad smile and told him that I understand why it's so hard for him to just let go. He told her to stay home 25 years ago and he'd support her. It's obligation and the sad part is that I totally get it and it makes me love him even more. I told him today that it's funny (not in a haha way) how I have a husband that can't stand me, doesn't want me at all and has pushed me away with no guilt at all and then I have a cowboy that wants me, loves me and will never have all of me because he's too honorable to be cruel like the man I married. Life is a cruel bitch. I once read that true happiness is always tainted with true sadness. I didn't understand it until recently.
He did tell me that he hasn't told anyone "I love you" for 20 years, not even his own mom. Cowboys *smh* they're great at showing their feelings but are absolutely hopeless at verbalizing unles their drunk or a country singer lamenting about lost love. If I ever hear it again, I'll be shocked.
So knowing what I know now, I'm going to live and enjoy the moment. It will never be more but I will fight like hell to make sure it will never be less.