Finally my version of our story

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Finally my version of our story
21
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 1:30pm
Sparkles and a few others, I promised I'd give more detail on my A w/MM. Well here it goes.

I'm not sure too many would call it an A, but it sure feels like one and at times we act like it's one.

He's been my boss for over a year now. During that time, we've worked very closely together and spent many lunches and hours together. I've enjoyed working with him, going to lunch with him, engaging in team moral boosters w/him, just plain ol spending time w/him. Whenever we have to go somewhere as a group, we always ride together and talk about any and everything under the sun.

I would say March of this year I started viewing him as a good friend. I felt very comfortable with him. By March we had developed a great working relationship, and a very good friendship. He started asking me all sorts of philosophical and personal "hypothetical" questions. Little did I know he was talking about himself.

July of this year we were having a friendly conversation with another co-worker. We were just joking around. Well, I made a stupid comment about a “special” need, but I was just joking. The other co-worker offered to take care of my need and of course I declined and that was the end of that conversation. I went back to my office to work.

The next thing I know, my boss is saying that he wants to fill that “special” need for me. The conversation escalated from there to many questions about why I should let him do that for me and vice versa because both of us were “happily” married. Well, our mutual physical attraction was made known about a week before that moment, but we just left it at that and in my mind we were NOT going to pursue anything with each other.

Over the next few weeks, the flirtations increased. Then at the end of a very stressful workday we were both expressing our tension and disappointment over a work related issue. All of a sudden he said he needed a hug, so I offered him one. The problem was I hugged a bit too long and a bit too tight. Ummmm, he felt soooooo good, I really didn’t want to let go. I apologized for my “inappropriate” behavior, then HE KISSED ME!!!!!! I was not expecting that but I sure wanted it badly. And, I might add, it was WONDERFUL. After that, I ran to my office and closed the door. I was so nervous. I kept thinking, “I’m married, he’s married, he’s my boss. I CANNOT do this!”

By the time I got to my desk, he’d already sent me a message about how much he enjoyed that. I responded telling him it was mutual. Over the next few weeks, we were touching each other behind closed doors, kissing, fondling, everything but intercourse. I was feeling torn because I didn’t want to ruin my family nor make his family life troublesome.

Every weekend I kept saying to myself that I was going to stop this nonsense and be good. Every Monday we tried to be good, but by Tuesday we were back at it. The attraction was stronger than both of our desires to do the right thing. Finally I just gave up and said I was going to enjoy him for who/what he was. I was going to stop fighting it. Then we had the talk about what our expectations were.

Initially, it was just going to be purely physical fwb. Then he started asking very personal questions. He said he really wanted to know more about me. He recognized my wall I had built around myself and started asking about that too. So, we had to have another talk about expectations and what this was going to be between us. We decided that we do genuinely care about each other and we value our friendship, so it’s going to be what it’s going to be. We’re not going to force anything and we’re not going to fight our emotions any longer. The lines of communication are always open and will always be open. Constantly we check in w/each other to see if we’re on the same page. Every time we are.

Last week he asked me if he could be my "boyfriend". I had to ask what that meant. When he told me, I told him I would have to think about it. I later told him that he could be my "boyfriend" and I'd be his "girlfriend". What a bunch of kids we're acting like.

We’ve made plans to consummate this A, but scheduling a date is very hard lately. So in the meantime, we’re taking it slow, playing it safe, and still good friends who care.

Laugh Smiles

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 10:50pm
Hi hisgoodgirl, I was one of the people (or maybe the only person!) who insinuated that you love him, and I must apologize as I certainly did not mean to put words in your mouth. You are the only one who can know that, obviously!

But in my defense :) I would say that I based that intuition on the words (and the words behind the words) in your first post. You may not be 'in love' with him, but it did sound like you and he have built the kind of deep friendship that is what Love is all about. Just my opinion and my impression, but I definitely wish you that kind of bond with him.

It took us about 6 months to start exchanging the big 'I love you' phrase. And even then, it was our deep friendship that we were primarily describing. It was not said frequently, but it was very meaningful when it did come out. I seldom hear it from him; he is not that expressive emotionally, but it's clear to me how he feels. Like someone said, it's the actions that are more important to me than repeatedly hearing the words.

Religion has been a big issue in our A. He has very strong religious beliefs, whereas I am less so (I describe myself as spiritual, rather than holding the values and teachings of any certain denomination). But both of us have dealt with the guilt of what we are doing, and it has taken him much longer than myself to get to the point that he can get past the guilt. It seems to take him a long time to reach each new plateau of our relationship, but when he makes the decision to get there, he's completely comfortable with it, if that makes sense.

Kari

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