Finally on that road

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Finally on that road
5
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 2:10pm

Well, he left his W about 4-5 weeks ago. He reached his breaking point with her and finally left. Long sordid story...


Right now he is fighting to keep his kids and has "set me free" because this fight is not about me and he wants to keep it that way, and he is not talking to a lot of his friends. (his words)


I guess I want to know what I can do besides sit on my hands and worry?


He has asked I keep in touch every so often, but again, vague on how much etc...


I am trying to keep busy but sometimes it is all I can do to form a coherent thought or focus on work. Anyone been here? suggestions, help, advice? (aside from sleeping until this is over.....lol )


I don't know how long this will take (could be long I know) and I don't know where things stand. I know he needs time to heal and expected that. I guess I'm just sad that I can't be there with him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:20pm

Don't know that I have advice for you; my situation may be a bit different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 7:14am

Niffer is right - no one can know how long this will take.

As for how often you should get in touch with him, that's so hard to say! What I would do is try to reach him a once or twice a week, and see how he reacts. If he ignores my e-mails or sounds annoyed on the phone, or doesn't share much info, I would assume he doesn't want contact that often and cut it back. If however he's very chatty or sends long e-mails back with lots of venting/communication, then I would keep it at once or twice a week. I would NOT increase it. If he wanted more contact than that I would assume that he would contact me!

As for what YOU can do during this time - just simply try not to dwell or obsess about him. Come here and share with others or help them out with their problems - it can take your mind off of yours. :-)

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 2:29pm

Thank you both for responding. Ya I'm pretty much here trying to not think about things. so far doing okay...


He never usuall responds to emails, so not hearing back is normal. I've written about once a week, but things are pretty borning here anyways so not much to write about.


I did have something else to bounce off you....


I'm worried or unsure what to talk about in my emails, I don't want to say anything to upset him. On the other hand, I've always been pretty candid and told it like it was (with slight sensitivity). So should I censor things like not talk about my kids (cuz it may remind him of his) or not ask how things are going? should anything be off limits or censored out of respect? I've never been disrespectful of his wife or family so that is not a concern.


I'm thinking to just be myself and not handle him 'with kid gloves'.


What say you all?


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 4:24pm
I agree! People generally don't want to be handled with "kid gloves" by their very good friends. Write about what you usually write about, and by all means ask how he's doing. If he doesn't wanna say, he'll ignore that part anyway. Tell him you're thinking about him and hoping that everything is going well. Just knowing that someone is "rooting" for you can make someone feel better. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 10:35pm

Sorry you are in this position, I imagine your pain is deep and the uncertainty bites.

If i were you I would continue contact the way you normally would, but keep it light, encouraging--maybe send an uplifting quote here and there to send him some strength--be the one in his life that makes him smile and or not bring him down--he will then look forward to hearing from you even more.

Sending some strength and all good thoughts ur way this is a tough time for you both. Keep posting.