Finally succumbed last night, now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Finally succumbed last night, now what?
2
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 8:23pm
Well, I went through with it. I finally succumbed to the affair yesterday, and I hoping I would "get it out of my system," but it had the opposite effect, of course. Worse, I am falling for OM, and I told him so last time I saw him. This stinks. So does my marriage, and even though he has been abusive, but is trying to be better. How do I make myself want to stay in my marriage, when things seem so much greener on the other side? I'm not sure if anyone will reply to this, but I just needed to get the words out!

Urnxanadu

P.S. I've known OM for a year, and we were friends first. OM is unmarried.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 10:57pm
Well, the fact that the OM is unmarried could be a plus, unless he has a present girlfriend you could be dealing with. As for your husband/marriage, I'd say at least give him a chance. If he has realized he's been abusive, and has seriously been trying to change. Has he gone to councelling? Unfortunately, he could go back to his abusive ways once he feels he's wining back some trust from you. If you are young, and don't have many years of time invested, or have children to consider, then maybe it would be a good idea to move on, but move on for yourself, not to go and be with this OM. any rate, don't let yourself continue to be emotionally or physically abused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 12:08am
sandishores,

Thanks for your reply. No, OM doesn't have a girlfriend. He has been telling me for months that we have a lot in common and connect. I am friends with his daughter, and she doesn't know what is going on, and she never says anything about him having a girlfriend. By the way, this friend DID say she thought her dad and I would make a great couple; however, she DID mean *after* a divorce on my part. Anyway, as far as the marriage, I'm 36, been married 15 years this coming June, have two boys, 13 and 11. The 13-year old is starting to mirror many of H's perceptions, attitudes, and actions, which is one of the main reasons I did move out for a month. H is going for counseling, but I believe they are only addressing is "depression," not getting anything for the abuse. So, one more reason to fear he will fall back on his old ways. But, you are right, if I do leave, it will be because it's best for the boys and I, and I would be foolish not to take some time to be on my own and single. I try not to let myself be abused, but it is easy to fall back into old patterns. Thanks for the advice.

Urnxanadu