Finding balance?
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Finding balance?
| Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:38am |
Hi everyone. Thanks for welcoming me to the board. I've read through several of the postings and found a common feeling from a lot of you, especially the regulars. I know each A is different, but most of you all seem very content with your A's and seemed to have found a balance in your lives with OM/OW and H/W. How do you do that? I feel very emotionally drained when dealing with MM and H. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to imply that you guys have no conscience or do not feel guilty about the A, but I am trying to find out how to balance myself where I don't feel so emotionally drained all the time. Does it get better with time? I've only had the A for 3 months, or does it get better when you have more of a emotional tie with OM/OW? Currently MM and I are just FWB, even though I would like it to escalate more. And then how to deal with H, who senses my detachment from him, but does not understand why so therefore wants to smother me with more affection and love, which I don't want from him right now, but do want from MM. Oh so confusing. Please share how you find balance within yourself during your A's. Thanks.
ibc

Now, he doesn't work in the same place anymore, but we still "get together". I have learned to cope with all the feelings and I used to have A LOT of guilt, but I'm way beyond that. It just seemed to go away.. don't ask me how.. it just did. I'm not happy in my M. I'm not attracted to my H. I'm seriously thinking about leaving the M as soon as my dd is out of preschool.. it's expensive.
But as far as MM and I go, we love to spend time together. we get together once or twice every 2-3 weeks. It's great. Right now I'm gonna be happy for what we have and enjoy being cake people..lol
hang in there and hope everything goes well with you guys. relax and enjoy your time and try to control those emotions of yours. I know it's REALLY hard!! If you need to talk anytime, give me an email.. chrissluver2003@yahoo.com
take care..
hi ibe -- don't you wish someone could just teach you this stuff!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
Thanks again ladies!
Take care
My MM and I were talking about marriage...to the point he told our friends he was leaving his wife for me.
This has caused some problems.
I'm not sure where we're going any more. I'm not ready to walk away, and he's not ready to let me go. I'm really not ready to be married, though...and he isn't ready to walk away from twenty five years.
Right now I'm doing okay with it. I told him I wasn't going through another holiday season like I did last year, and I won't. What worries me is the thought that I'm becoming comfortable in this role. While we were initially planning on being FWB and I was being daring and going to _try_ it, that's been out the window for months now.
I think what scares me is that I can see myself in this relationship for years...and I don't know that I'll ever be completely happy with myself for allowing it. And then I talk with him or touch him and the next thing I know I'm lost again. Even though part of me feels as though his hesitation means I'll always be second best, do I want to give up the loving part of the loaf I already have? (And in many ways, I have far more of him than his W does.)
Truthfully, I don't know how long I can tolerate being hidden away. (And our friends are ticked at him and worried for me...also not a good situation.)
But for now, I'm glad to have him in my life. For some reason, time, distance, morality: none seem to apply to us. At least not today.
Cazrida