First Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
First Love
5
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 7:29am

Hi I am new to this board and really really would value some input.


Im 42 with my partner 18 years and have 3 children. We are happy together but not in love with each other. We are together for the kids and we are cool with that.


Recently I went to my school reunion primarily to see my first love who I knew was also coming just to see me. Over the past 3 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 8:57am
To me it sounds like he was opening a door. If he truly wasn't at least thinking about having "more" than a friendship, he would have said he was very happy with his s/o, not that he "didn't know" if he was happy. What a bu!!sh*t answer that is! Of course he "knows" whether he's happy or not, and my guess is that he is happy.



As usual, my advice is to shut the door yourself and do not go through it. Trust me, this looks like it'll develop into a lot of pain for you if you pursue it. Read around here and see what happens in many cases. Because he's a first love, you will quickly develop feelings, and he most likely will never leave his R, even if you do leave yours. You'll be down the rabbit hole, unable to get out without much pain.



But it's up to you to decide. I hope you continue posting and keeping us updated!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 10:07am

I found myself in a very similar situation last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:44am

My situation is very, very similar to that of nahs.


I've loved AP for 18 years to varying degrees: was in love with him, we broke up in college, but love always remained for him (not like I was carrying a torch for him, but something about that first love always sticks with you), and now I'm in love with him again.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:12pm
So glad you posted this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 4:55pm

I am 44 and for the past five years my first love and I have been in contact less than a dozen times. However, within the last two months we have had daily contact via text messages and have seen each other more often. I am divorced with two teenagers (17 and 14). He is a MM with three children (one a senior and two already graduated).

I have daily debates with myself as whether I should continue this A. I don't want an A, I want us to be together. He says he won't leave his wife until his youngest graduates in 2011. Hmm...so my choices are to continue the A until then or end it.

First love attractions are remembered always. We have both decided to quit looking at the past and thinking "what if"...we have decided to take one day at a time.

Guilt and responsibility to children are very hard in any affair. Think long and hard before you make any decisions to move ahead. A lot of people lose and only two people "may" be happy.

Best wishes on some hard decisions.

TanZa2920
TanZa2920