First minor fight...
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First minor fight...
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 9:33am |
My OW and I had our first fight last night. It wasn't anything major, more a misunderstanding than anything else. I was trying to explain my fears to her and I ended up accidentally dismissing her fears in the process. I didn't get that at the time though. What I was expecting was for her to tell me everything would be okay and instead she got angry and was quiet. Once I understood the way I made her feel I did apologize, but it turns out she doesn't get over things very quickly. This was my first exposure to her when she is angry and it scared me a bit. I'm the kind of person who wants to talk things out and I forgive and move on easily with someone I love. She appears to be very different and need time to get past things. I'm sure everything will be fine today, but I absolutely hated going to bed last night knowing I upset her. Being this far apart from her, I feel like I have to keep things positive all the time. I can't be there to work through difficult times. How do I deal with negative situations like this? And should I worry that we resolve disagreements differently?

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If your OW is MUCH younger than you, then perhaps you should consider that when weighing your decisions. And i don't say that from a point of judgement... my MM is 14 years older than me! But age gaps can impact relationships.
Many people attend college and never drink or party. Some people "grow up" and end up drinking and partying even though college is long over or they never went. (hell i am 28 and just going BACK to college part time!!) But you do want your priorities to be in agreement before you get together.
Perhaps one way to look at this is, if i leave my W, and (worst case scenario), end up alone, will i be *sorry* i left her?? or will i feel that the marriage needed to end and that being alone is ok?? i left my H after meeting MM. i did not leave FOR MM and it's a good thing, because he changed his mind about leaving his wife (which i understand) and now, i am free from my marriage and in an amazing A with my MM. i know leaving was the right thing to do for ME. While it's difficult, try taking OW woman out of the picture and looking at your M objectively, maybe your MC could even help with that.
This is a hard situation, and i feel for you. *if* she is college age (18-20) and is seriously considering letting you slip away for a few nights of binge drinking, she is making a huge mistake. But it would also be a mistake for you to continue in circumstances less than what you had in mind. Look time is on your side. Just don't rush.
Hang in there,
jen
exactly omaha -- boston is right on.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
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