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First time
| Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:28pm |
Hi,
I'm new to writing on the ivillage message board.
After reading many different posts I would appreciate any feedback.
I met a married man online several months ago. He told me immediately he is living with his wife and kids though are seperated. We saw eachother several times a week.
He makes me feel great with the attention and caring he gives me. However, now I am feeling a sense that he won't ever leave his wife. Let me add he is 20 yrs older than I am and in the beginning I thought this was just fun and wasn't sure where this was going. He talks about divorcing his wife and how they don't get along. Reason they are not living apart is because neither wants to leave there home. I don't understand how two people who can't stand eachother can bear to live in the same house. In the beginning he said it was going to be soon, that he is looking for a place, but now it his answers are I'm not sure when that will happen though he says he wants it to happen. I'm I a fool?
I am single, no children and have never been married.
I'm new to writing on the ivillage message board.
After reading many different posts I would appreciate any feedback.
I met a married man online several months ago. He told me immediately he is living with his wife and kids though are seperated. We saw eachother several times a week.
He makes me feel great with the attention and caring he gives me. However, now I am feeling a sense that he won't ever leave his wife. Let me add he is 20 yrs older than I am and in the beginning I thought this was just fun and wasn't sure where this was going. He talks about divorcing his wife and how they don't get along. Reason they are not living apart is because neither wants to leave there home. I don't understand how two people who can't stand eachother can bear to live in the same house. In the beginning he said it was going to be soon, that he is looking for a place, but now it his answers are I'm not sure when that will happen though he says he wants it to happen. I'm I a fool?
I am single, no children and have never been married.

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Since you asked for advice, here’s my 2 cents and its intended for you and not for anybody else drawing personal inferences from it. Majority of men that cheat do that because of sexual reasons (as women do because of emotional reasons). You may already know this since you met your MM online and have probably experienced invites from all other married men asking you for sex. Some of these men may have terrible marriages on the side, many don't. For the men whose sexual needs are not met by their wives, their other needs are still met by their SO's. So although these men might still be asking women online for sex and painting very terrible pictures about their marriages, it may not be true in all its entirety. That being said, it’s very possible that your MM may never divorce his wife. You should keep your options open.
PG
I just had a conversation with him last night and he tries to reassure me his family life is not really a good life. He wants to get out, but there are so many complications.
I've attempted to cut it off a couple of times now, but him calling to see how I am and telling me he misses me, I let myself get sucked right back in.
He has also said to me that I deserve a real relationship and he is sorry he is in the situation he is in but he likes me so much and wishes his situation was different.
Since he has said I deserve a real relationship but I am settling for this one, I wonder if he is testing to see how I see myself. Like, because I am settling for this situation,
does he see me as a low-self esteem, fool, a type of girl he would never think of getting serious with if she can be running around with a married man?
As much as I say I am confused, I know deep down inside I do deserve to be number 1 but my emotions take over any effort I want to move on from this.
Thank you for listening!
You certainly do need to keep your options open and try to live your life. You have no guarantees from this man and it sounds like he is having a very hard time making a decision to leave. Believe me, I know how difficult it is, especially when children are involved. But if he truly wanted to get out, he could.
So don't wait for him. If you want to keep seeing him, that is your prerogative. But don't let him monopolize your life. Try putting yourself first and if this man does want a future with you, he'll come around. If not, then find someone who does. You deserve that. Good luck.
I think the other thing you should take into consideration is the fact that he is 20 years older than you, and already has children.
Do you want children of your own eventually?
If you do, you may want to ask yourself, whether it's worth waiting for a man, that may not be willing to provide you with the family you deserve.
Just my 2 cents.
Take care
Red
If so, I don't understand how a person can carry two torches for two different people.
I totally agree I should keep my options open, but I can only seem to have feelings for one person at a time. And like you said, he may come around. But when? and how long is too long?
I do not want to give birth to any children. Besides he had a V!
I can't believe I'm saying all of this out loud on a public site.
I hope his W doesn't read this...
Has anyone ever gotten caught posting their R on this site?
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue
When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so
If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies
I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you
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