first time

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
first time
26
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:27am
I've only posted here a few times but I'm so nervous excited right now that I just had to "tell" someone.

In just a couple of hours MM will be arriving for a few hours of fun. This will be our first time having IC. The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy. I'm so excited about this yet I'm really really nervous. It's been years since I've been with anyone other than H so I worry about how good I'll be. I've got a little extra padding here and there and I know his W is very slim so I worry about what he'll think when he sees me totally nekkid. And to top it off I have very sensitive skin and used a new shaving gel when trim down there and now have a bit of razor burn which is unattractive.

We've been friends for a long time and socialize together regularily so I just worry that if things don't go well it will screw that up.

So wish me luck!

I'm off to shower and get ready for MM.

jw


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:32pm
I don't think practice or changing location is going to make it perfect in your case. I don't think this guy is a "giver" and is more of a "receiver" when it comes to sex. Some people take than give, it doesn't matter what excuses they come up with, they just care about only themselves. See some people like my OM go out their way to make sure I am satisfied too, its not just their instant gratification. No excuse is good for my OM. Are you in a stricly sexual affair?? If so, dump the looser.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:40pm
Thanks giantsix!

It really helps to hear from a guy and get his perspective. I know it was kind of nerve wracking for both us being at my house especially since we spend so much time together socially as couples and that is often at my home. Since it was the first time neither of us felt comfortable with a hotel (too small of a town) and we also didn't want to leave a paper trail. My h & I have separate credit cards and never open each others bills but it still makes MM nervous (probably cuz W opens his personal mail all the time.)

thanks again for the encouragig words. i'm really trying not to let this get me down.

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:41pm
If this is the first time he has done something like this, he was probably filled with guilt. As a man, I can tell you that if we're feeling guilty, right after an orgasm, that emotion will be at its peak. That basically triggers a fight or flight response and most of the time, we bail. It is inconsiderate and I'm sure later he felt bad about how things went, but try not to judge him too harshly. Give him a chance to explain himself. It is possible he may have realized he doesn't want to continue down this path. Or he may decide he wants to try again and I'm sure he will be more focused the next time. Either way, respect his wishes and don't pressure him too much. Maybe he just isn't cut out for an affair. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:47pm
You took the words right out of my mouth, Juliet. This has absolutely nothing to do with nervousness. This man is simply an uncaring, selfish jerk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:54pm
Hey Juliet --

Thanks for your perspective. I guess i didn't paint MM in an entirely favorable light because I was feeling let down at the time. He has been very aware of my needs in the past. In the few times int he past where we've been able to sneak away alone for a little while he has taken care of my "pleasure" because he wanted to do it for me. There was never enough time for me to return the favor or enough privacy to actually have IC but he was always willing and wanting to take care of me. I guess I had just expected us to have an entire afternoon of kissing and cuddling and all the rest. I think the others are right that the setting was not right. (at least I hope so.)

Ever since we talked about being together for the first time he had said that he would "blow his load" in the first 4 seconds because I turn him on so much. Of course i never took him to mean it that literally. Guess I should have.

I think I'll give it one more try with him. Next time in a neutral location where we won't have to worry about what if? Then if things turn out the same way, I will as you said, "dump the loser." Although it will be hard because I do love him. Wow that's the first time I've ever actually admitted that even to myself.

thanks again Juliet. I appreciate the advice and finally having someone to talk to about all of this.

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:54pm
Oral should be an appetizer for two and not a main course meal for one :-)

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:56pm
Ladies I understand there are men out there that are only interested in their own satisfaction, but you can not judge that from the first time that they are together in a place were no matter what the thought of getting caught lingers in the back of the head. Also, like omaha says not every man is cut out for A.

Give him a chance to make it up to you the second time if he does not please you then by all means dump the sorry loser. Because every man should please their woman first (preferably 2-3 times) before he worries about him self.

PS. But give him a chance first, I know one day I could not perform down there because of location, but I did perform orally though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:01pm
I tend to agree and that was what I was expecting or I probably would have saved that for later. :) I feel like I'm making excuses for him (and maybe I am to an extent) but I know he doesn't get his needs met at home - which is why he pursued this - so between that and the nervousness about being caught I understand why he didn't feel up to performing after that.

Like I said we'll give it one more try and I won't give him an appetizer next time. Hopefully things will go better.

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:15pm
Omaha --

I've been lurking and reading for awhile and I've always found your posts to be helpful especially in understanding the male perspective.

Before he left MM said he didn't feel guilty just a bit paranoid about getting caught. Even though he knows as well as I do the chances of H coming home were very slim. He also said it was something about being in my house. In his own house he knows the sounds so the little noises (like the cat walking around) don't worry him.

As for whether he's cut out for an affair. It's hard to say but he was the one who initiated things between us and whenever either of us has had seconds thoughts or tried to a step back, he always seems to be the one that bribgs us back to it.

I sent him an e-mail a short while ago telling hime how I felt about this afternoon so now I'm just waiting for his response. I think that will determine where things go from here.

I really do appreciate everyone's advice and comments.

I'll keep you all up to date.

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jwluv
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:19pm
Oh and I did forget to mention. He did talk about next time. Said things would be less tense and he would take care of me too. and since the pressure and initial excitment wouldn't be so intense he would hang in there longer.

I'm so glad I found you guys to talk to about this. I was really focusing on the negitive but as I talk it all out I remembering the positive and the things he said.

you guys are great.