Food for thought

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Registered: 09-29-2003
Food for thought
25
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 9:42am
After reading a lot posts of how one should not depend on another person for one's happiness and how somebody shouldn't make another one' s whole life got me thinking.. I guess its all good about keeping one's identity and not loosing one's beliefs and thoughts because of this other person. It means that one should be seeking out to fill a void in our life with another, but why is this said only for emotions. We seek food when we are hungry to fill a void in the stomach. There are many on this board that seek sex outside of their M because they too are filling a void in their lives that they do not get at home and some that hang around with no real reason other than to find an excuse to post. Why it it then that seeking out for physical voids is much less counsel worthy than people who want their emotions fulffilled. Don't get me wrong here, I am not judging anybody in any of the situations described above, but trying to figure out the general masses, that's all. Maybe I am not understanding something here.


Edited 12/4/2003 5:50:03 PM ET by autumnbreeze_iv
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Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:51am
Amen to that sister!! I agree with what you said about choices. We all choose diferently and let us not judge each other based on our personal choices.
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:54am
OK, did I miss something? Where did the condom wearing come in? Just my 2 cents but I don't have a guard on my emotions. I guess I have a very unusual relationship going on here. I love my MM and I have said this before, if this ended today then so be it:)True, I would miss him but I know we will always be friends. We have been for 4 years why should that change just because we're not having sex anymore. *S* NMR
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Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:54am
yes i'm all for commitment, i'm just saying that i've found the best way for *me* to be completely fulfilled is to have a full life...for instance i enjoy now and than to have long yakking conversations with my girlfriends, laughing and enjoying their feminine input, and sometimes its soo warm and cozy to cuddle with a baby in my arms, and sometimes i get such pleasure taking my mom to lunch and having her "mother" me.

i can't imagine many people would argue that those of us who appreciate quality in relationships should be "picked on"...i'm just commenting on *some* who make statements such as "my lover is my whole world!", to me that seems excessive and obsessed and it seems unwise to limit ourselves to the pleasures of ONLY our lover.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 11:01am
"my lover is my whole world" is a expression, honey! If you ever have been carried away by emotions that far, you would be writing up stuff like that too.


Edited 12/4/2003 5:52:54 PM ET by autumnbreeze_iv
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 11:02am
nope, gurl and me were talking about sex being messy, that' all. Power to you NMR :)
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:10pm
oh honey, no offense taken. i LOVE these discussions!

and i agree with you that we humans need to let our guards down more, especially with the person(s) you love. but it's hard, you know? i, for one, have a very difficult time trusting any of the men in my life, just because i've ALWAYS had to go it alone, never feeling like any man could or would back me up, so taking care of myself and then my children, working, trying to have a social life, living paycheck to paycheck. and now that i've done everything for everyone else in my life, it's time to be a little bit selfish and "fill my voids." but eventually my emotions DO come into play and i try very hard to keep them in check so i'm not overwhelmed and neither is my MM!

gurl

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:15pm
nmr - sex = messy = condoms! now pay attention, will ya? thinking about your MM again and losing track, huh!

and even though i do guard my emotions especially with MM, if the physical end of our R ended tomorrow, i'd still be friends with him, but since MM is also guarded with his emotions and hasn't really opened up to me (just a tiny bit recently!) i'm not sure he would say the same thing.

i've come to the (mature) conclusion that you should have the experience and keep the best parts as memories and the worst parts as lessons for your future life. and that's just what i'm doing!!

gurl

Avatar for nomoreregrets
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 1:07pm
Gurl, I have no idea how I missed a discussion on condoms and messy sex! Where in the hell was I? In NMR land no doubt:) Ok, I know it's a little late but you know me I have to throw in my 2 cents. The messier the better for us:) Now as far as emotions, I must seem like a real hard a%* to some of you. Truly, I'm not! I just am not looking for a heart fluttering relationship. Oh and trust me my Mm is one of the most giving and considerate men that I've ever met. He is a Great catch:) As far as opening up, I'm not certain I understand you're point. Opening up about his feelings to you about life in general or your relationship? We both know that you're MM is absolutely obsessed with you:):)I agree with you on the memories and the lessons part. I also like the fact that I like you have come to an age (or should I say, point) in my life that I like taking care of me and doing things that make me happy:):) Life is Grand! Dance Naked, every chance you get:):) NMR
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 1:44pm
don't worry, nmr, it was only one line in one post. i, of course, picked right up on it and ran amok!! you'd think i had sex on my brain 24/7, but no, that would be men! hahaha!!

you are not a harda$$, just realistic in your expectations. now i'm not asking for more than my MM can give, time-wise and emotion-wise. he is a very close-to-the-vest guy and i very much understand his background and history. i, likewise am not an over-the-top drama queen (not that any of us here are!!) who needs to be needed and mollycoddled. i just want some great sex and some time spent together. is that too much to ask?! nope, and my MM gives it to me. and of course, he adores me and is probably obsessed with me too!

but just lately, i've come to the realization that i started drifting (just for a few days) into the "what ifs" section of my brain -- you know, what if there was some way in hell MM and i could work it out and be together in the near future, what would that be like, where would we live, would the sex stay really good -- and then i caught myself and took myself in hand, gave myself a good talking-to and now i do realize that what is meant to be, will be and vice versa. so i'm in this life for myself and all that includes, which is back to the great sex and some time with MM, this board and you ladies, my girls here, and my BF and kids!

life is good, so i'm not gonna mess with it!

gurl

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 2:03pm
Good you had me worried! I thought I might have missed some juicy sex talk:) It's a good thing that you know where you are in life:) To tell you the truth, I don't mind this getting older thing! I'm having the time of my life:):) Yippee, Yahoo....... NMR