Food for thought for Viper and others

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Food for thought for Viper and others
30
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:39am
Viper,

I think you should seriously think of the possibility that your guy just wants you for sex....thats it...no strings attached mind blowing sex when he is in town. The guys (and I know I am generalizing) that play golf can be like that :)

I know the truth hurts but maybe thats all to it. And the reason he makes you feel special when he is with you is the fact that he wants sex from you. It is upto you to decide whether you want to be just his sexual partner or you desire something more. And yes, guys who care (even the quiet ones)do send out an email or a smile IM or a "what's happening" IM or something like that (I am just quoting the online behavior here...cuz thats all I know).

I disagree with some of the other posters here in the sense that I think if you have expectations from him you should let him know and not keep it to yourself. Why should everything be according to his demands....this is a reality for all of us here that we are in love with the MM (typical normal female human behavior) and why does anybody have to pose that its just sexual and not love when the truth is sooo different...just because you don't want to scare the guy off...well let him be scared if he gets scared by your emotions...he is not the guy for you then.

I certainly let my guy know when we were having the online thing (its NC from my end now) that I wanted it to be exclusive and I wanted to be loved as a person too (not just fuc*ed but loved too).

If you behave that you are not worth anything (in the sense that you suppress your expectations) ....he will treat you as if you are not worth anything.


PG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:46am

hi phillygirl.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:56am
Gurl...thanks for jumping in...it was intended for everybody.....just trying to liberalize women here being the strong feminist that I am :)

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:59am

oh yeah, phillygirl, i'm

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:15pm
Gurl...exactly...one of MM's qualities that attracted me was that he plays at my level...he will accept my intelligence and independence and have all these debates (like between two equal individuals with no gender looking down upon) and then otherwise behave totally like a guy and treat me like a woman.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:29pm
omg philly, that's it exactly!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:52pm
Okay, I know you and Gurlfriend think we are "wimps" in not telling them how we really feel. But I think if I told MM how much I liked him, he'd get scared and leave.

Because its supposed to be a "sex" relationship. And I do believe if I try to make it too serious he would get scared off. That's why I didn't really give him a hard time over the NC, although I did let him know he hurt me with that and he said he won't do it again.

But I don't want to lose him, I enjoy our time together and if he leaves, it will make a HUGE gap in my life that I won't be able to fill.

Because believe me, I will NEVER get myself into another A. If it comes down to it, I would have to leave H and start over myself again for the 3rd time.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:12pm
Dusty,

If you are happy with how the status quo is then nobody else can complain. But in case of Viper, she seemed obviously distressed with how her MM behaves. I think most of the guys (just like women)want to feel loved in a relationship and I think the only ones that would get scared would be the ones that either

1) want no commitment (intend to bang more ladies down the road) or

2)feel that the woman is needy and just out to trap any guy and could potentially utter "I love you" to any guy (we would feel the same ...right?? if a guy not according to our standards comes after us, acts needy and tells us that he loves us)

Once he regards you as a prize and knows that all the attention that you shower on him is special, I believe he won't get scared.

I am such a romantic, I cant fathom myself holding back my love and not clawing him all over and telling him that I love him.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:52pm
Ladies, may I throw a suggestion in here? If you are satisfied with how things are in your relationship - fine, but if you aren't - speak up for God's sake. We are lousy mind-readers, and hinting just plain sucks. My own relationship got all screwed up because of that - she was dropping subtle hints and I wasn't getting it. And this "scaring off" thing is nothing but a myth. If we are in it for the long haul nothing you say or do will scare us off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 2:16pm
Boston.. the problem is knowing if he IS in it for the long haul. Because, frankly, I'm so confused right now I haven't got a clue. So I'm thinking don't push and maybe he will become as invested as I am. I tell myself to quit initiating contact -- let him take the lead, but then nothing happens. It's all very scary and new and intimidating. How long before you did feel it turn from just a sexual attraction to a real relationship... or was it that from the start?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 2:26pm
Yes Boston, I am curious to know also. Because if you love the woman, then sure you're not going to get scared off. But for those of us who are not in a "love" relationship, what then? I don't know what his feelings are for me really, he will not say and I will not ask. I think that's going over the line. But for him to keep on seeing me more than 2 years down the line, I have to think if it was only for sex, he could have found someone more convenient for him (we don't live in the same city even and he is the one who comes here all the time. But still he comes back to me. So I am a little in the dark even though when we are together I feel there is some affection there. What's the man's perspective then??
xxxx

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