Food for thought for Viper and others

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Food for thought for Viper and others
30
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:39am
Viper,

I think you should seriously think of the possibility that your guy just wants you for sex....thats it...no strings attached mind blowing sex when he is in town. The guys (and I know I am generalizing) that play golf can be like that :)

I know the truth hurts but maybe thats all to it. And the reason he makes you feel special when he is with you is the fact that he wants sex from you. It is upto you to decide whether you want to be just his sexual partner or you desire something more. And yes, guys who care (even the quiet ones)do send out an email or a smile IM or a "what's happening" IM or something like that (I am just quoting the online behavior here...cuz thats all I know).

I disagree with some of the other posters here in the sense that I think if you have expectations from him you should let him know and not keep it to yourself. Why should everything be according to his demands....this is a reality for all of us here that we are in love with the MM (typical normal female human behavior) and why does anybody have to pose that its just sexual and not love when the truth is sooo different...just because you don't want to scare the guy off...well let him be scared if he gets scared by your emotions...he is not the guy for you then.

I certainly let my guy know when we were having the online thing (its NC from my end now) that I wanted it to be exclusive and I wanted to be loved as a person too (not just fuc*ed but loved too).

If you behave that you are not worth anything (in the sense that you suppress your expectations) ....he will treat you as if you are not worth anything.


PG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 5:41pm
I did let him know what my expectations were .that was the email I sent on Feb. 4th .

On the 5th he emailed me a very short nice email but not mentioning about what I said and what his thoughts are on what I had to say. His email to me on the 5th was like nothing happened . Since then I haven't heard from him .

Last night I got weak , and I emailed him ............thinking of you , hope all is well , miss you .

Still nothing back . That's fine I can't do anything about it if I want him and he maybe now doesn't want me back . I am sure when he will want me , he will contact me . If too much time passes , then maybe by then it will be too late for him . What is meant to be will be .

Do I miss him , yes I do . But I can't force someone else's feelings .and not my style to beg ;-) I met a single guy who is very nice , great guy . I will go out with him on some dates . He kissed me , it was ok . Just not the passion I have with MM and I don't know why because single guys has much more personality then MM . oh well so is life .


I will just have to try to stop thinking about MM , cause if he isn't thinking about me , then I don't need this . No I am not the type to play along and be quite . and if what I had to say to MM pushed him away ......then so be it !! Thanks to all for your advice , support and help ! This is a great board and all of you are great !

Hugs , Viper

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 5:43pm
Gurlfriend

once again you are so right on target with this. Being open and honest with your MM about your feelings and expectations helps so much. its not like we can just run to anyone to talk to about these things. I mean after all we are in these relationships together..

As for my MM we share alot with each other and I think it helps keep the rollercoater ride to a minimum.

But I wanted to tell you thanks for always being there to offer support and encourgement to those of us who need it

later

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 6:00pm


PG ,

I appreciate your 2cents . And you are right about the golf guy type ..... I know quite a few of them ;-) But MM is different he isn't arrogant and cocky like those type .

Your right , if what I have to say scares him off then whatever . Because I am the type who likes to say what I feel and I am not shy to express what I feel .

and I did . So now it is up to him if he wants to find the mutual ground that would make us both happy , then great ! If not then Asta La Vista Baby .

In the long run he will miss me more because I am single I can date and meet people .

He is still stuck with the same problem that led him to an A. I doubt he will find the passion he had with me with anyone else ........ if he does , well I am happy for him .

Well time will tell . I just have to learn to be patient

Thanks again , Hugs Viper

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 6:07pm
My MM knows I am a strong independent opinionated women ....that is what attracted him to me ( so he said ) Maybe when it bottom line came down to handle it , he couldn't .

That is what happened to my Ex Fiancée . He fell in love with me because I am strong and independent , but then he couldn't handle it and preferred to be with a needy women , who he can provide for , protect and control .

Seems like most men prefer a weak women . do you gals feel that too ?

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:20pm

oh i don't know about most men preferring weak women.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:21pm
thanks seeburg.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:19pm
I usually try to avoid broad generalizations but I don't think in this case it would be a huge mistake to say that most of us prefer a "happy medium" - someone who is not submissive but not overly independent and opinionated either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 1:27am
Painful truths, I'm afraid... and probably more than I am prepared to deal with at this moment. But thanks for being so forthright.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 8:58am
Totally agree and very well said!

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 9:28am
Sorry, hon. You asked - I answered. I didn't mean to hurt.

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