This fool is back
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This fool is back
| Sat, 09-06-2008 - 1:08pm |
Well, ladies...at what point does a person LEARN when not to get burned?? Refreshing my story...I'm M, had a 6 month on again off again affair with MM...he left his wife 3 times only for a few weeks at a time, would go back, wanted me, came back....finally back in May, he went back and stayed for four months, did marriage counseling, did everything his wife asked him to do and not do, says she did things to change, but after 2 months, we started seeing each other again and he told me that after doing all those things, he still didn't feel different, knew that he was still IN love with me, although he did have love for her and cared for her, he just didn't have those feelings for her anymore...said he actually started resenting her because he felt unhappy again and was tired of us having to sneak around to see each other. He said he wanted us to be together again, but this time wanted us to start over fresh in our "own" place, meaning he wanted to get an apartment temporarily so we could start our lives together. I told him my concerns and fears because of the hurt and pain he caused me the last times he left and he assured me that this time was different because he absolutely NO guit this time because he knew he had tried..the other times he was consumed with so much guilt and couldn't handle it, so he went back...he knew he could walk away for good. His adult daughter who still lives at home with her baby had to have brain surgery and he and his wife spent 4 days out of town with her at the hospital...during that time he texted me constantly...loved me so much, missed me so much, couldn't stop thinking of me, couldn't wait to get back to me...I had been afraid that thier daughter going through this would change his feelings, but it didn't, so I knew in my heart that he was not feeling guilty. 2 weeks later he was ready to do this, said his daughter was doing excellent, better than the doctors expected, he was still going to be there to help out with her, he wasn't abandoing her, wanted to start looking for a place....actually it happened sooner than we thought, I panicked Monday night after I wasn't hearing back from him after texting him all day...I was scared he was changing his mind, so I ended up getting into an argument with my husband and left and finally got hold of MM and he left his house with telling his wife anything...just left. We got an apartment the next day, that next night, he knew he had to go back and tell her what was going on, so he went over there and talked for 2 hours and came back to the apartment all bummed out, didn't really want to talk, but finally opened up and told me that she had really made him feel "bad"...not guilty, but bad...he said it shocked him when she took off her ring and gave it to him and told him he needed to make a decision, so in other words, she would take him back again....he came back to me that night, but I could tell he was different the next few days, kind of distant, wasn't as affectionate, was ready to start an argument over any little thing I said....I at this point was realizing I made a mistake...as much as I was in love with him, and still am, I knew he could never get over his guilt feelings for her, even if he's not in love with her...he just can't break that connection. The thing of it is, and he admitted this once before, when he was with her, he wanted me, and when he was with me, he wanted her..although he swore this time was different. Anyway, he went over there again last night to get more stuff but had to wait for her to get home because she hid his stuff he wanted and the only way to get them back was to come see her....he sat there and talked with his daughter and gathered some things that he could and waited for his wife to get there, he texted me telling me he was waiting...i texted him and asked if he wanted to meet me at a restaurant for supper or me to wait there, he said, wait there, half hour later..he's still not there, I texted the same thing again, this time he texted back "chill", then after another half hour, I was starting to get pissed...it doesn't take that long to get your crap and leave..so I texted him asking where he was and then called him and he said he was on his way back...when he got there, he stood by his truck going through his phone and shaking his head and I knew he was pissed so I went out and started helping him carry things in, then he starts going off on me about texting him 13 times and how embarrassing that was when he was trying to have a conversation with his wife and daughter about her doctor visit and I told him I did not text 13 times, it was only 4 or 5 and then he gets his phone out and starts yelling at me about lying and here were all the texts and he replied this and that and I said well, my phone messes up and I don't always get a lot of texts or receive them because 4 or 5 are all I had on mine and he starts in about how I was the only person he could trust and how could I do that to him...just starts wigging out and I'm trying to calm him down...he's walking away from me telling me to get away, leave him alone, he pushes me down in the chair and says to leave him alone or he'll hit me, then he calls 911 and has the cops come over to have me removed because I was trying to grab his hand and get him to sit down and talk with me..at one point I did push him back because he shoved me...it was awful, it was embarrassing...and he did all of this just to make his "decision" easier....he twisted this all around and made things look like my fault so he could walk away from what he committed to me and walk away even though he knew I gave up everything and he would break my heart a fourth time...this way in his mind, he can justify hurting me and bailing on me again......gawd, I am such a fool...and I still love the bastard....figure that one out....and the hard thing is, we work together and I'm at a crossroads now of what to do..i've been there for 25 years and make good money and benefits, it's not a "career" job, but it's a good steady one...but I don't know if I can face him again after all this..I don't know if my heart can take it...my husband doesn't want me to go back and I don't know what to do...my head says stay, my heart says no.

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Hi julz22,
I'm sorry he's putting you through this again. He sounds like he needs some serious counselling honey. I can understand the wishy washy of leaving or staying with his W and DD or you but to physically push you and tell you he will hit you? That just does not fly with me....and as much as you love him, it shouldn't fly with you either!
He really does sound messed up and I'm sorry that you've left your husband and he's done this to you again. Above all though, you must stay safe, right?
Please take care of yourself and let us know what you decide to do, okay?
benska
Julz -
I am so sorry to read your update - i did hope that those of us who told you to walk away before would be proven wrong - I always hope for the happy ending - even when we all know that they are few and far between.
Now that he has proven to you that not only does he refuse to make a decision and stick to it - he is also abusive both verbally and physically - I hope that you will now walk away from him and never, ever look back.
Julz -
Honey - you don't need any i told you so's - I'm sure you are doing that enough to yourself.
Julz
I don't mean to be tough on you, or maybe I do. Get a good counselor, because this man is a total loser who makes you feel like garbage, but you keep going for it. What's up with that?
Exactly how many years of your life are you going to waste on this? Or are you enjoying this drama, and don't really want to get out? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself. To some extent, any of us involved in an affair enjoys drama or they would run away asap. But this is extreme, he is actually emotionally and psychologically abusive to everyone he knows.
OMG Julz.
he is sick.
Run
FAST, you have no time to waste. You are the next "her"
Julz - OMG, your post made me so sad.
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