Frequency

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Frequency
13
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 2:11am
I'm wondering how often you get together. My MM and I were thinking of trying to cool down to once a month, but haven't been able to yet. We've got together sometimes twice a week. He's been on vacation with his dh for the last week, and I wonder how that will change things too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 5:29am
My HH lives abroad. We get together once every 3-4 weeks. That's only because he has to take a vacation from work and so do I, and we don't meet in our homelands. We usually travel abroad, somewhere new, each encounter. We meet up for 4-5 days each time. I really dont know if that's more exciting, or seeing him regulalry for just a couple of hours. But I believe the distance is doing us good so far. None of our other partners ever suspected a thing, and because we miss each other so terribly during the three weeks we're apart, the encounter are just heavily loaded with passion and we try to avoid any arguments or fights as much as possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:27am
Normally, MM and I meet for lunch once a week. We have not been fully intimate yet. He is under a great deal of pressure at home; kept on a very short leash, so I don't want to be the one to dictate when and where. If I'm able to meet him for lunch on a day he suggests, great, if not he will suggest a different day. Fortunately, I'm able to "disconnect" from him when we are not together, while he does creep into my mind from time to time, I make an effort to compartmentalize this relationship.

A week ago yesterday, he sent me an email saying a major project had been changed and he would need to focus on it, not certain if we could meet for lunch. I told him that wasn't a problem, to focus on the project and, if he could drop me an email during the week if he had the chance. Surprisingly, he mail me every day. Each day the email was longer. Thursday morning, I had an email from him asking me if I could slip away for lunch. I emailed back that I could, but asked if he should probably focus on the project. To my utter delight, he emailed back saying, "I can't focus because I really "need" to see you." :) You have NO idea how wonderful that made me feel! We met for lunch, but it was I who reminded him we had taken 1-1/2 hours, and he really needed to get back to work.

I *hope* by keeping our focus on our lives outside the "A", we won't make mistakes, and this is a long happy A. But in all honesty, I will miss him very much when we go on vacation this summer. He is leaving the week before I go, so that means we won't have any contact for two weeks! Yikes!

P. S. As usual, the W called four times during that 1-1/2 lunch. THAT would drive me mad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 8:25am
I am so envious that you can disconnect from your MM. I used to be able to do that but over the last month I have lost my ability to. Nothing has changed all that much. I would love it if you could give a few pointers on what you do stay focused on your life instead of MM. I would really appreciate it.

And the W calling 4 times..what is up with that??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:40am
We're really fortunate in that we see each other at work 3 times a week, and most of those days we're able to arrange to get some alone time either for talking or sex. Also, he will try to come over after work on my days off. It doesn't always work that way, but I'd say we see each other 4 times a week, and we're in the sack 3 of them. The really cool thing is that we work very closely together at our jobs, so we're talking to each other the whole 9-10 hours (work plus alone time) each day. And on my off days, he visits for at least an hour, usually an hour and a half.

My guy just came back from a vacation with his girlfriend. It didn't change anything about how we were with each other, except there was an urgency and a need to it that never existed before after one of his vacations with her. I guess we've just gotten a bit closer and so missed each other that much more than before.

Lucky

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 1:40pm
We see each other with our eyes quite a bit I guess, either through work or with our sons. But we get together alone 1-2 times a month. I would love more but his job is just too demanding.

With the vacation thing he took W to the Carribean V day weekend and I sure he would come back saying that she saw the light and they reconnected but it was quite the opposite. Also I just went away with H for a weekend and it was really nice but I couldn't wait to be with mm just so he knew it didn't affect our relationship. He seemed a little bit concerned, with all the questions he had! :)

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 1:54pm
I too am luck to get to see my OM almost everyday because we also work together. We get to meet after work for our time together. I'm a very needy person emotionally and physically in this A, so i need to be able to see him on a very regular basis. I worry sometimes that i might be to demanding but he is always saying "that's what i love about you". i know my limitations and i don't over step them, if there are days we can't meet we are understanding, i little upset, but we do understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 5:13pm
Don't be envious briatan, the A is still very new. Who knows if I can continue to disconnect as time goes on. The one thing I remind myself over and over again is he is not mine, and will never be mine. MM is 10 years younger than myself, and said one day when we were talking about how much we love our children, that he would love to have more children (he has one toddler right now). But he didn't want to have them with his wife, that one day he hopes to remarry perhaps. I know in my heart and mind, that I will not be the one he has children with....mine are teens and I'm way past the point of wanting more babies. He was very forthright and stated that while he cared about his wife and the history they shared, he could not stand her as a person. I understand a little better now with the constant phone calls during lunch part of the problem. She is clingy and needy. If they have a disagreement, she will carry it over for DAYS, even going so far as calling him dozens of times at work to continue the fight. The only thing he can do it shut off his phone. Something is definately wrong with her, to say the least.

It's ironic to me that a kind, generous spirit that my MM is, has a shrew for a wife, and I have a husband who has chosen the bottle over his family. One of life's little jokes, no?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 8:28am
Since MM works about 2 hours away from where he works, i am fortunate in the fact that he usually stays in town M-F so I usually get to see him at least 3 times a week, more if we can get away with it. Although once his training is over with he will be back home depending on where they send him. I am sure that will drastically change. We do talk every day regardless. IM and email on weekends. Text messaging in the mornings, and usually throughout the day. And calls after work. Or first thing in the morning. His mom lives near me, so I am sure that he will be in town more than I think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 9:17pm

MM and I live barely a 20 min drive away from each other... but seeing as we are both married with young children... he works full time... and besides being a SAHM... I also study part time.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
In reply to: tinylittlewoman
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 9:36pm
This depends on several things - my schedule MM's schedule his DW's schedule and my DH's

schedule -

When you say 'get together' is that in general or how often do we have intimate contact -

MM and I had (still unclear where we are in the EMA) what I called Drive-by's -

these could be anywhere from 10 minute hi- kiss me tell me you miss me see you later by the way you look great...

to lunches - meeting at the park for a little walk and conversation - a hug (cuz sometimes I really needed those hugs) or there are the spend several hours together -

On any of the drive-by's I was gaurantee'd kisses ...sometimes depending on the mood or the location more - and the drive-by's could be as frequent as 3-4 or even 5 days a week or as infrequent as once per week -

When we plan for more it's usually once a month - the build up to it is amazing and would get us both anxious and nervous and it was always incredible -

We always would say we needed more but when it comes down to scheduling it's hard to squeeze it in between what he has going on - and what I have going on so we both would try not to expect more than once a month - if it happened great - the drive-by's usually keep us content until we can really be together -

K

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