iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2012
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 10:45am


I posted here a few times in the past, and I think this is the best place for this situation. I have a marriage that is complicated and stressful. But I have no way to leave at this point. I don't know that I would leave either. We have a young child and we work well as coparents to that child. I would be happy if we could just live together as coparents and forget the marriage part, but it is all part of the package. Often I think my H hates or resents me. I don't like being home alone with him because he just is always so moody. Being around him makes me miserable, so I often make plans to go out or take our child out and leave him behind. I guess that makes it sound worse than it is. We get along in front of our child just fine. Our child is happy and well-loved. It's just that when it is just the two of us, we sort of retreat to our own corners of the house and do our own thing. When I have conversations with him, he is always so unhappy and negative that I just don't want to be around him.  I've tried everything to change this, but he seems to be happiest when he is unhappy, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I am no stranger to "A"s and all they involve. I had several before I was married with MM, and I have never felt guilty or gotten overly attached. They have always been exactly what they should be: short, sweet and drama free. The problem is that the majority of the people I meet are morally opposed to this sort of thing, so it's not like I have much opportunity to explore this option. I have met a man whom I am attracted to and has become a good friend. We spend quite a bit of time together (he has a long-term GF). Sometimes I feel like it will go somewhere, but he is very cautious. I don't know if he is cautious because he is loyal, or if he is cautious because he doesn't want the drama, or if it is because he has morality issues. He is not overly moral or religious and doesn't seem particularly attached to his relationship (he has even referred to his relationship as being more out of comfort than any sort of compatibility). I asked him once if he was attracted to me or if I made him uncomfortable, and he basically said he was going to be rational, even though it was really hard to do.

Anyway, is this just a dead-end? Or a possibility? Any insights?



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
In reply to: nsdk2012
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 3:55pm

As I am reading your post I am thinking dang....sounds like my guy (AP). I have no kids and he has a daughter. Which is his excuse to stay with current LT GF. She ALWAYS accuses him of an A even when he isn't having one. She pretty much makes him miserable and he tolerates it for his daughter or so he claims. So, my opinion...tread carefully. My AP is cautious too. Mainly because he has a warden (his name for her) for a GF. I don't know if his daughter is truly the reason he stays or if there is more to it but he caters to her every whim when it comes to me out of fear that she will kick him to curb. She knows about the previous A between him and I but she stayed with him. We recently started things back up in August and now it has been a bit over a month since we have had any contact due to her. If you are able to not get attached but keep it quiet than go for it but still tread carefully.