Friends after its over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2009
Friends after its over?
4
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 6:13pm

I had an A for 1 1/2 years, and after several starts and stops on my part, she ended it ; I couldn't leave my W for her, so she found someone who is in the middle of a divorce, and has professed his love for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 6:35pm

If you stay friends then you suffer, your marriage suffers, your family suffers, your exAP suffers and it could cause problems in her new relationship as well.


I think it's best to totally move on.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 6:47pm

<<>>

You should just move on. Ask yourself this, do you want a friendship for yourself or for her? If I remember correctly, you only really started having feelings about wanting her back (or having a friendship with her) when you realized that she had moved on. This is fairly common, the wanting what you cant have phenomenon.

In all honesty, I don't see a "friendship" between the two of you as healthy for either one of you. You are not going to change your situation. So how fair is it to her for you to continue to be in her life? Do you *really* want to hold her back from something that has great potential because you are jealous?

Yes, I know it is hard. I know seeing someone move on is not easy, especially when you feel like you are stagnating. Just remember this, soccerdad, you have made choices too. You decided to stay married. She was fair to you when she told you that wasn't going to be enough for her. She moved on. Since you know what it will take for her to be happy, I can only assume you don't REALLY want her back, you just don't want her to move on either.

Maybe you should use this time to concentrate on you and whether your own choices were what you really wanted. Introspection is never a bad thing, and maybe by shifting some of your focus back onto yourself it will be easier to let her go on with her life.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2009
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 7:47pm
youradvice is great; I'm just having trouble moving on....I want to, yet there is something about this person that is hard to move past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sat, 04-18-2009 - 12:15am

I have to agree with Shadowz.

maystone