Friends with W?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Friends with W?
4
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 7:44am
My therapist says it's not really an affair- just a flirtation. MM wants a sexual thing and I'm happy with mostly friendship- although I am attracted to him. His wife is jealous of me, from what he says. I've only met her twice. In order to stay in contact with him, I feel like I should have her OK. He just started his own business and she's there a lot. I've also been helping out, although W and I haven't been there at the same time yet. I know I'll be there at the same time she is eventually. I was his "right hand" for almost two years when we worked together, which is how our relationship started. I'd like to be friends with both of them. She really seems like a great lady. I was thinking of calling her and asking her if she'd want to get the kids together on their day off. I said I'd do this back in August but things have been very busy for both our families since then. Is this a terrible idea?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 8:18am
I think we all initially think we are "safer" if we become friends with the spouses/SOs which I myself tried when we first started our A. After one EXTREMELY uncomfortable night at the tavern watching a 4 hour long Nascar race I snapped back to reality...NEVER AGAIN...I was so afraid my H or his g/f would notice how we looked at one another - there are people out there that can just tell when two people are involved sexually.

If she's already jealous of you then she's likely to be very intuitive and I would suggest you not spend anymore time with her than necessary...

Good luck and keep us posted on what you decide to do.

*Hugs*

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 9:47am
I agree in the beganing it seems ok to be frineds with W, but for me its just too strange. Listing to her complain about him, and talk about their sexual situations, proved to be too weird for me. She and I chat if we meet in public, but if girls night out includes her, I excuse myself.

dayz
Avatar for stillwingy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 3:25pm
Forget it- tried this and it ended up making everything a mess. Couldn't really help it in the beginning since our families are friends with each other. But it got to the point of where she feels threatened by everything I do. Her and I would have these long conversations about everything. And it got to be so hard to listen to her complain about her H- the creepy thing is she was mostly just confirming how miserable he is because she's not affectionate or emotional. But she would mention things like him not being a good kisser, etc. And of course I have to disagree wholeheartedly but I can't say that and then the whole uncomfortable guilt thing starts to eat you alive. We just avoid each other now and she resents the friendship I have with her H. I think it would have been a lot easier if she hadn't been around us so much and we had just kept seperate lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 7:29am
Well, I tried calling her and asking if we could get the kids together and she gave me a pretty good excuse- although MM confirmed it wasn't true. She was polite enough though. I guess I was really worried that she would be nasty after everything he's told me. Now at least I know that if I see her in the office, she'll be civil.