Is FRIENDSHIP possible after LOVE?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Is FRIENDSHIP possible after LOVE?
5
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 2:46pm
If my MM and I have expresses that we fell in love but have not been physical with it---and plan on remaining that way---is it possible to maintain a friendship?

I have depression at times when I miss and need him near me and he has a hard time if I see other people. He says he knows it's selfish but the idea of another man touching me makes him sick. How can I let go of the fact that he will probably never leave and accept the time we CAN be together.....we make each other very happy when we are together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 4:35pm
Hi there,

I don’t post here anymore, but something in your post bought tears in my eyes. I can see a person who is hurt and it breaks my heart to see so much unhappiness. I know where you are coming from, so been there and done that. I sense that feeling of heartache and sense of emptiness so very well.

I know its hard to be break it off completely (as in NC) after love has been mentioned, it has be done for a healthy break up. Time heals all and you will find that in time the pain is not so intense and engulfing as before. That heavy feeling in your heart will no longer be there, you will just remember the good times that you had together. It may help keep you away from the physical line too. If it was meant to be, it will be. Sometimes good things might happen when you least expect them. Keep strong and you can do it…..

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 9:58pm
Oh how I take pity on you!! I have been there, but even worse..I know how painful it can be!!! It is much more painful if you have a physical relationship! The guilt will soon move in on him, especially if ya'll do. I'm so afraid that you are going to end up getting hurt. My mother had a man leave his wife for her and then he when back to his wife. It may be possible for you and MM to remain friends. It depends how strong you two really are. It is a very difficult thing to do! If another special someone comes into your life though..please don't risk it all for MM! He may never get a divorce for fear of losing his children..all men are afraid of that. I wish you the best and I hope you make the right decision..Good Luck!!! Hugs, Cathy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:01am
You said you met him through work, but then gave the impression he had come to your place. Being alone together is a bad idea. Eventually you're going to get physical. If you keep it at work, where there are always people around, you might have a shot at just being friends. But if MM and I were alone together we'd have trouble. The knowledge that at any time anyone could come around that corner keeps us from ever taking it physical. Is there a way you can just keep it at work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 10:51am
still need help
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 2:45pm
hey livin -- if i read your post correctly, you both are "in love" but haven't had sex yet? how long have you been together? it's just my experience, but i can't believe you can be in love with someone that you spend a little time with and probably talk to alot, without the physical part of the R kicking in. i've just never experienced platonic love.

but if you're trying to stay "friends" without expressing (either physically or emotionally) your love for this man, i would agree with the poster who said you should keep the R at work but on a civil, professional level. if he comes to your house (i believe you are single), you will not be able to maintain a "friendship" when your feelings run deep enough to be considered "love."

you'll have to give yourself (and him too) time to get past the deeper feelings of love and all that goes with it. time does heal all, but you must to maintain some distance and keep busy (in your case, dating would help even though your MM "can't stand the thought of another man touching you").

i'm sorry you are in pain, but if you want to remain friends with this man, you must be strong and distance yourself from him. he is obviously staying in his M and you're left to be alone and lonely while he has his W and children (if there are any). is that the life you want? it doesn't sound like it.

hang in there and keep us posted,

gurl