This frustrating life!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
This frustrating life!!!!
2
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 5:19am

Just reading everyones posts here has helped me immensely.. I am on the roller coaster with my AP and I wish I could get off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 7:14am

Your post really spoke to me. I can so relate to the hot & cold..push/pull thing. My AP always does that. Whenever I try and share emotions he pulls away. Then comes looking for me if I keep my distance. This has been a nightmare for me as I've tried NC many times. However, if you read my last post Humiliated Yet Again..you will see I'm going to try NC again. My A started out like yours. We worked together (no longer do, thankfully) but I do seem him in the evenings at functions. He came on to me very strong and when I was in the midst of breaking up from a toxic relationship. I was so vulnerable and here was this beautiful man who was paying attention to the older woman..ME! It was a drug. Another drug.
If I were in a different position in life..I know I would have not let him in as far as I did. I've asked him numerous times to please let me go if I don't truly matter to him. You see..I struggle with kicking peopole to the curb. I wish I were stronger in that area..but I struggle with saying goodbye. But this thing is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It has taken up so much of my time..it's wasted my time.

You just have to end it. That is the only way you will ever find peace. Either road you choose will be painful. But ending it will only be temporary pain...you'll heal. Staying in it will only lead to further pain and the loss of self-respect. They love their W's no matter what they look like..even if you are more beautiful and put together. They love their W's and the W's will always come first. That is why A's are so much greater in the beginning..because it's all new and exciting. Just like seeing a new man who is free. The problem with the A as time goes on is you see how the relationship can't grow. It hits a wall because of their situation. And that is when all the problems flare up..and the resentment grows. The only way to go is NC.

I was into NC and my AP contacted me and well here I am..once again hurt and crushed by his careless disregard for my feelings. How many times do I need to repeat this to finally get it right? I'm getting rid of the anchor that has been around my neck for over two years. I need to come back up to the surface and have a life again. This is nothing but bullsh*t!

Get out now..go NC and stay there. Only talk to him at work about business and keep moving. No eye contact. Nothing! The thing that makes me angry when I think about him is he uses the workplace to form trysts with women. That's what he does and that is not the place to do that. I work with a new guy who is single and he has never once told me I look nice...AP did that from day one and that is how it all started. I'm sure he's doing it now at his new job. He'll get in trouble with it one day...he will. It's only a matter of time.

Save yourself any new heartache and disengage from this man. No matter what he tells you..how he looks at you..how much he says he needs and misses you...he's a selfish, lying creep of a man who claims to love his wife and probably does..but he's deceiving her and you at every chance he gets.

Start running...just do it.

Peace & Love

Logan

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 7:38am

Dear Logan...