Frustration is the name of the game!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Frustration is the name of the game!
7
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 8:06pm

Hi Everyone


I think I am just venting here (or going totally mad) after an email fight with OM which has left us on no speaking terms for the time being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 12:20am

Bird I have nothing for you. The frustration of my own A drives me mental!


But I am soooooo looking forward to the boys' responses :)

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 12:54am

Oh, yeah, 4 years of that...is he masochistic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 4:46am

many thanks anyway Stronger, the boys seem to be sleeping ;-) ssshhhhh LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 5:01am

Do you know Jane, I am beginning to think he is a masochist!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:22am

Bird, he's obviously getting a great deal from your relationship or he wouldn't have continued it so long, and he's self aware enough to know what would happen if he crossed his boundaries, so he's wise to keep them up.

However, the question is, why do you keep going with this relationship when it obviously isn't enough for you? It seems to cause you nothing but frustration (understandably so).

In his mind, not having physical contact keeps this from being "wrong". You know and I know that his W would probably have a very different opinion. Matter of fact, I read a study once that showed that women say they would be MORE upset finding out that their H was having a long term emotional affair with NO physical contact than they would if they found out their H had a short term "physical only" affair. On the other hand, the husbands said they would be more upset with their W having a one night stand than they would with their wife having a long term emotional affair with no physical contact. So men, in general, just think differently than we do.

I guess you're at a point where you have to ask yourself if you can live with his boundaries indefinitely, and even stop hoping for "more" (because I think you're still hoping), or whether you should just end it once and for all, and get off the frustrating ride. Can you live with being friends with sexual tension? What is it that YOU are getting from the R, for it to last so long, and is it enough to keep it going? He obviously is very happy with things the way they are.

For what it's worth, I think you nailed it when you said that you think "more time" leads to more physical contact and that's why he limits the time. Again, he knows his limits and that's why that particular boundary.

Keep us updated!




Edited 6/21/2010 9:25 am ET by cl-lexione

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2000
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 12:35pm

Bird:


I really do understand your frustrations... you read my post, my frustrations are similar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 7:03pm

Hi Lexi - just while we're here ...great job as CL :-)


I know he is the wiser one in terms of boundaries and maintaining them, I call him the Gatekeeper LOL