Frustration with Patience

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Frustration with Patience
5
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 2:52pm

Okay so I have continued this affair. By my own choice I maintained contact, initally it was to be

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 3:35pm

You can't fix people who doesn't want to be fixed. You don't know what really is going on between your AP and his W unless you're a fly on their wall. Seems like he's feeding you lies to keep you dangling. A man who's unhappy will NOT stay where he's at. He will leave even if he DOESN'T have a 'side dish" waiting around in the wings. That tells me you could be wanting too much and waiting around for a future with a MM who have no intention of going anywhere with you. Talk is cheap and it seems like your AP is finding all the excuses in the books as his reason for doing what he's doing. He is a big boy who is capable of taking care of himself. He doesn't need you to tell him what to do, hence, why nothing has changed.

I understand the need for making excuses for him and for yourself so you can continue with this fantasy. Just know your limit and keep it real with the expectations.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 3:59pm

I guess I was not as clear as I thought. Many thoughts jumbled around.


I do know what is going on between them as I have seen their postings to each other, and AP and I talk almost daily about things at home. I have been quite blunt with him regarding reasons he is still there and we have talked at length about that. He has no one else he feels he can trust so I am his friend as well.

 

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Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 8:41am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 6:51am
I disagree totally. There may be thousands of awful men that play women along until the end but unless you know the circumstances for each one, to generalize them in a sweeping statement is unfair. I am in almost the exact same situation (except mine is not a PA)and believe 100% in his motives for staying with W. I believe that the reasons can be varied by money and other economic issues but also as simple as not wanting to be seen as the bad guy by the family, children or friends by leaving because they are wanting or needing more from a marriage that no longer works. Just as women justify that their H's dont understand them or are emotional abusive, neglectful or plain apathetic to them, why are men not able to make the same claims? None of us wants to be seen as the ogre in a break up. My MM has realized that as he is getting older and he does not want to be in a marriage that is more brother/sister relationship with someone he no longer has anything in common. Whether it was something he should have foreseen over the years is something that cant be changed. What can only be done is to try to make something of your future worth looking forward to. It is the first step that is always the hardest, especially when you are the one that has never rocked the boat before.
Scarlett, if you feel there is hope, don't give up as you may be the courage he needs. When YOU no longer feel you can cope, then deal with that accordingly. You know this man as good as you ever will so I would advise you to act on your knowledge and history with him.
Blessings.


Edited 8/9/2009 6:58 am ET by sometimesblue
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 2:12pm

Thank you so much for your reply. We have been talking more and more lately and especially about D-day. We are on the same wavelength as right before I said it, he said it is only a matter of time before