I just walked with H. He held my hand but all I could think of was what its like when I hold APs hand. Ugh. It is maddening. I have a great H (with some issues in the marriage of course) but I need to accept what I have and stop wishing for what I dont.
But bloody good on you for initaiting a weekend away! Great idea and kudos to you pal xxxx
Oh wow, jj, I could have written your post. I don't have any advice for you because I haven't figured it out yet, either. I just want you to know that you're not alone in this tug of war of hearts.
My marriage is comfortable and my family is great. I try to appreciate what I have but no matter how good it gets, I just can't stop my heart from loving and wanting AP.
I envy you that you wanted to get away with your DH for the weekend. I honestly have no desire to spend anytime with DH. This was even before the EA started. I think we have just been so distant for years, that I can't get back to that place. Even the hiking and hand holding sounded nice as we have none of that. I know DH would love it, but I am just not there anymore.It is as if I have just checked out of our M years ago. Sad also because if things move forward with MM, we won't be able to take walks and hold hands because it won't be a real R.
Thanks Jane for those words of encouragement. I agree it is apathy that got my marriage to where it is now. I think that is what is so appealing about this A-the excitement, the newness, the anticipation. I still don't know if it will go forward at this point, but he still continues to be receptive to spending time together. As for H, I won't make any rash decisions about things at this point. I keep thinking that maybe this A will make my M more tolerable, maybe it will help me to see what I have and can't have, because I know whatever happens with MM, it will only be an A.
Now we'll both be looking forward to our lunches this week, but at least you know what'll happen at yours-we're still not there yet!
No, I am not going to turn chicken now and when those heavy thoughts enter my mind I will just push them aside. Thanks for putting it in perspective Jane. I don't think I could text anything to my H-he would think it was vulgar. MM did mention doing that to my H early on when I told him about our sexless marriage. I may do that to MM at some point, but I couldn't be as fair as you are being! :)My H is very conservative and also 13 yrs older than me. Enjoy your lunch! :)
Jane I sooooo get you!
I just walked with H. He held my hand but all I could think of was what its like when I hold APs hand. Ugh. It is maddening. I have a great H (with some issues in the marriage of course) but I need to accept what I have and stop wishing for what I dont.
But bloody good on you for initaiting a weekend away! Great idea and kudos to you pal xxxx
Oh wow, jj, I could have written your post. I don't have any advice for you because I haven't figured it out yet, either. I just want you to know that you're not alone in this tug of war of hearts.
My marriage is comfortable and my family is great. I try to appreciate what I have but no matter how good it gets, I just can't stop my heart from loving and wanting AP.
his lover and friend
Love your new profile pic!
I envy you that you wanted to get away with your DH for the weekend. I honestly have no desire to spend anytime with DH. This was even before the EA started. I think we have just been so distant for years, that I can't get back to that place. Even the hiking and hand holding sounded nice as we have none of that. I know DH would love it, but I am just not there anymore.It is as if I have just checked out of our M years ago. Sad also because if things move forward with MM, we won't be able to take walks and hold hands because it won't be a real R.
I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend!
Well, the missing him was too much!
Thanks Jane for those words of encouragement. I agree it is apathy that got my marriage to where it is now. I think that is what is so appealing about this A-the excitement, the newness, the anticipation. I still don't know if it will go forward at this point, but he still continues to be receptive to spending time together. As for H, I won't make any rash decisions about things at this point. I keep thinking that maybe this A will make my M more tolerable, maybe it will help me to see what I have and can't have, because I know whatever happens with MM, it will only be an A.
Now we'll both be looking forward to our lunches this week, but at least you know what'll happen at yours-we're still not there yet!
LOl, yes, well, I am rather specific about our rendezvous.