FWB..or more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
FWB..or more?
9
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 8:04am
I posted a message on here about a month ago, and just to give a quick re-cap of the situation, I had started texting with a co-worker of mine(who has a girlfriend).Anyway, I never thought it would go any farther than that, but since then, we have met up 3 or 4 times:)I promised myself that I wouldn't let this become anything but FWB, but lately I seemed to have developped some pretty intense feelings for him.We text usually on a daily basis(usually when he's at work, and she's not around), but sometimes we can't chat for a couple days, and on those days I find myself missing him.I'm not sure if he feels the same way, and I don't think its the right time to approach that subject,but I still wonder.some things that he says make me think that he is in it for just more than the sex.Like the other night, he brought up a past conversation we had, and i didn't recall what we talked about, and he said"don't you remember our conversations?!".He seemed hurt and upset.I know that that seems kinda minor, but there are other things that lead me to beleive that he is starting to feel the way i do.Last night we met up, and had sex for the first time:)I had been holding off because I was worried that once it happened, that he would dissapear.Well, after i got home, he texted me and we chatted for a couple hours.He said he would give me a shout today, so we'll see what happens.He had mentioned the other day that he has to go into the city on the 10th for work, and that I should come up and spend the night.He said he wanted to be able to spend a whole night together.Anyway, I'm gonna wait and see if he brings it up again before I get my hopes up.
Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
In reply to: medicgirl26
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 8:08am

He has a girlfriend, not a wife. If he really wanted to be with you, he would dump the girlfriend. Stop seeing him and get yourself together before you put yourself in another no-win situation.

Tobermory

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
In reply to: medicgirl26
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 8:33am

Don't get your hopes up - Men do and say anyting to get sex.


You both got into this as a FWB thing - don't expect anything else! Those feelings you have are natural - I think woman have a harder time with FWB than men do.


Either cool it, and don't let feelings get involved - or drop him because its only gonna get harder with time! Belive me Been there Done That!

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
In reply to: medicgirl26
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:10am
I remember you...most of the time people come on here before they end up having an A and everybody puts out the warning. They always come back just like you did. I guess if its just FWB then go with the flow. I would be cautious about your feelings just incase.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
In reply to: medicgirl26
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 11:56am

Seconding the emotion - don't get your heart involved! A's are for sex. If what you want is romance, go some other route. Hooking up with a cheater for sex and expecting him to then change into Prince Charming is the way to disaster. If all you want is some on the side action, a cheating dog is all right and can be fun. But don't get into one thing expecting something else!

Just my .02

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: medicgirl26
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 9:45am

Thanks for the advice everyone:)Any opinions are welcome:) So, I decided that I would try and cut back on the texting.He is always the first one to text me, so whenever he would text, I'd chat with him for a little while, then say i had to go.Well, he seemed to get upset, asking me if i was mad, or if something was wrong.I would say no, just busy.Anyway,friday night he texted me as soon as he got to work.He asked me if maybe we could meet up the next night.I said maybe, to give me a shout the next day.Then he made some comment about wether I had other plans with someone else.Anyway, saturday morning, he texted me and said that he had to cancel that night because he had to do something with his daughter.I said no problem, that I totally understood.Anyway, he texted me later that afternoon, and again that night asking me wether I'd be up late so he could text me. I said that I might be.So, 11:30 rolled around, and sure enough my phone starts going off. He's always saying how he would love to be with me(sexually i assumed).Anyway, sunday(yesterday)he texted me as soon as he got to work.I really wasn't in the mood to chat, so i said i had to go do something, to give me a shout sometime.Well, at 10:00, he texts me again.I texted him back, but for whatever reason, he didn't get it.So about 10 mins later, he asks me if i was mad at him. I said no, why?He didn't answer.So i asked him if he got my last message and he said no. Anyway, he started saying how he wished he was in my bed with me, not at work. I said some teasing thing like he'd have more fun here than there.He responded with"Don't want you to wear me out".So of course, thinking he was making a sexual joke, i said"i can't promise that".Then he responds with" I don't want you to get bored with what we have" I'm kinda caught off guard so i say something stupid about not easily bored, and he responds with" I just don't want things to get too serious, I want it to be fun" It kinda caught me off guard because I did not think that anything I had said was being construed as more than just sex.I have not confessed an undying love for him, not said anything to make him think that I wanted anymore than what we had!(even if maybe i had been thinking it)And i was not the one who always initiated the conversations! It kinda felt like a slap in the face.I had been trying so hard to play it cool, then to have him say that. Anyway, I casually brush off his comment, saying something like I'm in it just for fun. I was so mad that I just wanted to end the conversation right there, but of course if I would have, then HE might assume its because I was upset, and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking that.So, we chatted for a little while longer, and I said that I was tired and falling asleep, so i had to go. I said"give me a shout sometime".He responds with"what are you up to toomorrow afternoon"! I said, i wasn't sure, why?. he says"just wondering".So, i said goodnight and put my phone away. I really don't know if he'll text me today, maybe he somehow picked up on my upset vibe, but i think i hid it well. It just makes me upset because the last thing I want him to think is that I'm some pathetic person, hanging off his last word, at his beck and call! Anyway, just needed to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
In reply to: medicgirl26
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 8:17am

Wow he sounds just like my xap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: medicgirl26
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:15am
hey there:)Well, the day after we had that awkward conversation that left me feeling kinda pissed, he texted me .Nothing was said about the previous conversation, so i just let it go.I was careful with my words, not wanting him to think I was "taking things too seriously".Well, I think he might have picked up on the coolness.Anyway, that night he texts me and asks me if I was still up for the night together in the city.I said sure.I really didn't want to get my hopes up, but for the next couple days he kept texting me, asking me if i was excited, that he was.Anyway, we both had a meeting we had to attend that evening at work, and we were going to leave after(seperate vehicles of course) and meet in the city.So, i show up to the meeting, he's there and of course we act real casual.One of my friends texted me so i went into another room to call her back.Then i get a text from him saying"Do i have competition?Other texting friends?". I didn't text him back cause i was on the phone, then a minute later I get"are you ignoring me?".Jeez. Anyway, I go back into the meeting and he looks at me with a smile.Anyway, as soon as the meeting was done, i took off cause i wanted to get on the road. I get a text saying"is everything ok?You seemed distracted?" So i wrote back that everything was ok, that I was just anxious to get to the city. Anyway, we get up there and it was amazing.It seemed so nice not to rush things. It also seemed like we had reached a new level.I don't know , maybe i was reading too much into things.But he said things like"i'm so glad your here with me" and "I never realised how great you are " and stuff like that. We fell asleep together, and before he left the next morning for work, he woke me up to give me a kiss. Well, i texted him when i woke up later and said that I had a great night. He said that it was wonderful. I told him
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
In reply to: medicgirl26
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:51pm
Medic,
Do I relate to you in many ways! I had a guy who wanted FWB as I did but his version and mine were completely different and I am married, he is single. I am not sure but assuming you are single but he has GF? Sounds like he likes you well enough and texts with you quite a bit which is reassuring but boy be careful of your feelings! Nobody wants to get hurt and especially when it is us! If you feel right now that you cannot handle the situation the way it is, my advice would be to get out before your feelings get too much further in.
My guy also pursued me knowing I was married then backed off, then came on strong again. he knew what I wanted and I thought I knew what he wanted but it isn't the same thing. He wants to come in and out of my life when he deems it necessary. He will hide that he is online and just says hi when he wants. I found myself liking him more than I wanted and that he did not have the same consideration for me as I him. It has to be about YOU to. If this is how it's going to be, can you handle that? Ask yourself that question. If the answer is no, then you need to stop before you get hurt further. I wish you luck my dear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
In reply to: medicgirl26
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 7:42pm

I agree with the other posts.. He's not married, he's got a GF.