The Games People Play

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
The Games People Play
11
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 11:43pm

I am so aggravated by the silly games people seem to play, some don't even know they're doing it.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 4:42am

That's absolutely true!!! The less interested we appear, the more interested the (x)AP's become. I don't think though that it's like that with all people. I have only seen this so far with xAP's. And it annoys me too!!!!!!

There must be someone out there for you, Ilostagain, don't give up hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 7:23am

I hear you on this one!

I think one of the main reasons I'm afraid to end it is because that means I'm back to dating. The thought of that is exhausting. It's hard enough sometimes to find someone you initially click with. Then, once that is determined and you start along the path to a serious relationship, bam, they're a liar and/or cheater.

I spent years being lied to by my xH. We get D, then I find this "great" guy and we have been dating a year. Now, it looks like he is no better than my X in the lying/cheating department.

I have to agree dating is an ugly world. I finally opened myself up to someone I care about a great deal only to be torn apart. It took me a while to think I could ever do that again and just as I do, I get lied to and cheated on. I don't know what I did to deserve this...again! I have never cheated/lied to any of my partners. If it wasn't working or I had an issue, I was always up front and never went behind their backs and started something with another man. I'm sorry...I'm very upset tonite and on the verge of a pity party.

Please hang in there Ilost. There are people out there who are honest and faithful, it's just getting thru the crap with the ones that aren't that sucks.

As for the, "the more interested you appear, the less interested they appear sentiment"...I find it to be true. Maybe that's the way I need to play it in the future...always keep myself at arms length :( I'm guessing it plays into the "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" concept. Gives them time to think about the great person they are missing in their lives.

Sorry I wasn't of more help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 9:19am
My H refers to this as the "principle of least attraction". The person who appears to display the least interest holds the power in the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 1:29pm

I hear you on that one, although I am not dating. In my marriage, it seemed like the more I tried to engage my H the less interested he was, and when I stopped trying to engage him, he became interested, and so when I tried, he backed off again.

As far as the dating, although I have been out of that situation for a while, I have a male friend who says the same thing. Whenever he tries to ask someone out they say no, even if they have been having a good time talking and chatting before that, and he has talked about the baggage issue too. He says it sucks out there and he is almost ready to give up, so all I can say to you is what I say to him, hang in there.

Take care and good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 1:33pm

"The more interested you appear the less interested they appear."

100% agree and its a universal fact in all relationships.I hate it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 1:12am

Wow! Thanks I didn't think so many would know what I'm talking about! hehe


Believe me, I gone on so many dates lately, with different, single men and what I find to be the case is:


The more interested I appear, the less they seem to be.


They get cold feet, and bail


They try to get in your pants if they don't succeed they're gone


They tell you how much they like you and how lucky they are to have "finally found you" but then you catch them back on a dating website


You have plans with them, but then the day before your date they say they have the stomach flu and not feeling well.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:03am

I soo agree with you llostagain!

I have had the same experience.When i showed interest,the guy found my faults but when i wasnt interested,i was everything he wanted and hated if i looked at another man and he was all insecure.but the moment i showed that i am there for him,he backed off ( he = most of the guys i have dated).
It sucks big time and i cant agree more that it was all waste of time and he wasnt worth it !

Its a certain kind of breed that does so,not all guys and unfortunately,i somehow landed up with such guys.not worth it at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 12:31pm
People treat you the way YOU let them.....maybe you need to re-evaluate the people you are choosing to be with.....


Edited 12/2/2009 4:36 pm ET by wtf19721
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 12:51pm

No, it's not the OP or the responders. It's an entrenched problem on the Y chromosome.

I used to believe as WTF19721 says "You treat people as they treat you". But as I've gone on living, there is still no excuse for rude, offensive and dillweed behavior.

If you're not into somebody just tell them. There is no need for games. Then again, those with a Y chromosome don't like to be the "bad guy". Which, oftentimes, they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 5:42pm

Wtf-


That is bull because I treat the guy I'm dating the way I want to be treated.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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