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| Sat, 02-21-2004 - 8:43pm |
So I called him , of course at that moment he couldn't talk and promised to call later when he can talk .
I said ok , you better call and not just say you are calling and if you don't want to call just say so now .
He said - no no we need to talk , I do owe you an explanation.
So he called . He said this A is tough and confusing for him . he never expected it to be like this when it started .
That he does think of me and care for me but he can't handle things at home .
He is sorry he isn't a good communicator and doesn't know how to express what he wants or feels .
That he was putting off talking about what should have been talked about because yes it isn't fair to me and I deserve better then that .
He said he should try to work on his R with W before he gets into another type of R .
He said he can't handle the type of R that I want ( which I do deserve ) and the R at home at the same time .
He said he was sorry , he didn't mean to hurt me in any way .That when we started this A he thought it was going to be just sex , but he started to have emotions and feelings for me and he doesn't know how to handle that.
I told him yes maybe he should try to be a better H . I have said that to him before , he said he tried but it didn't work . His wife just isn't into him . I told him if the way he communicates with me is the way he communicates with her , maybe HE is the problem . He said , maybe .
When I ask him do you want our friendship to be over , he says with out hesitation NO NO
So bottom line even though he didn't exactly come out and say it ( boy is he bad in saying what he feels ) I guess he was trying to say lets take a break from this A .Let me see if my feeling for you go away . Let me see if things change at home and if they don't may I call you , will you still want me ?
I told him of course as of now I sill miss him . but maybe with NC my feelings will go away . Maybe I will find someone else . I am not going to sit around and wait to see if things will work out with W or not ......which I doubt will change between them unless they both go to serious consoling and they both have a lot to change .
Well maybe this short A has taught my MM something about life . Maybe it will bring his M back together which is ok , because I am not trying to be a home wrecker . Although I am losing a great sex life and great lover , Maybe I am making someone a better H and better person . Looks like A's can also be a good thing for the W , not always bad as people think. ............... are you reading this wife's ;-)
As for me , well life goes on , yeah I will miss my MM , but time will heal.
At least now I feel so relieved that I know what is going on through his head and I am not just sitting around wondering and not knowing .
I am very glad I stepped up and made that call , ( even if it was something I didn't want to hear ) . No us women don't have to sit around and "take it" and "wait" for the MM to make the first move .
Thanks to everyone here for your advise and support . For sharing your stories . Yes it helps to know your not alone . It is nice to have a place you can vent and share because these our things that people close to us can not understand nor can they except .
What did we ever do before the days of the internet ;-)
We are not bad people , we just seek for happiness . Life is to short so why not do what makes us happy . Sometimes in the short run it looks like people are getting hurt , but there is a bigger picture . That is why my motto is - Things happen for a reason , for good or for bad there is always a bigger picture .
I have a perfect story . Over a year ago I met this guy . I was on the rebound from my Fiancée breaking off our engagement . This guy was M and he had no intentions of cheating on his wife . We became good friends . I found someone who would listen to my heartache , ( My friends were tired of listening to me and they never liked my Fiancée in the first place ) he found someone who would listen to his problems . We could hang out as much as we wanted and talk as much as we wanted because he is a bartender it was easy to meet
I never looked at our R as an A because we were not having sex . We were just friends . He would tell me how unhappy he is in his M ,that even the day he married , he didn't really want to but he thought it was the right thing to do . He wants to leave but is scared .
My only advise to him was to think hard what he really wants . What makes him happy and do it . Well his W found a text message on his phone that I sent him ......... I think he wanted her to find it because it was an old one . He erased other ones , why didn't he erase that one ??
Of course all hell broke loose even though the message was very innocent . and there was really nothing going on between us . just friends talking . Well that was the last straw . He decided to leave W and file for divorce . At the time she was very hurt , she thought it was the end of the world .
Now a year has passed by they are divorced and both are very happy with their new lives .
He has moved on , She has moved on .Many changes has happened in their life since the D ......but they both agree this D is the best thing that could have happened for the both of them .
So there can be a bigger picture, even if at first it didn't seem like it .
Just wanted to share this , so you can know that sometimes what may hurt now , may be better for the future .
Sorry so long , thanks for taking the time to listen ( read )
Thanks for having this board .
Edited 2/21/2004 10:56:38 PM ET by viperdiva

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hi redeyes -- i'm so sorry you're going through this crap!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I totally agree with what cl-gurlfriend has said here .
Doesn't look like he really loved you in the first place . Love doesn't go away over night .
How many times do you need to be rejected by him ...... I think he made it pretty clear to you it is over . Why ?? what happened ?? Why did he tell you he loved you , well he told you what you wanted to hear to keep you around . Will he ever admit to that ?? probably not because a jerk is a jerk .
My ex fiancée ( and he is single ) cut off our R out the blue with no explanation . we were making plans to wed , for me to move to another state .and all of a sudden a phone call we are over . I couldn't understand , why what happened everything was fine . I tried to get him to talk to me to explain . how could this be . How could he say he loved me so much and all of a sudden doesn't want anything to do with me . How can someone's feelings just go away ........as time went by I figured it out . he never really loved me as he said he did . he was all BS , just to keep me around . When he didn't want me anymore it was over. yes I was very hurt and depressed for over 6 months . But I am glad his true colors came out before we got married .
and now I just found out he contacted one of my friends trying to go out with her and telling her all this personal stuff we had between us ( oh and he claims he is such a private person , private my A** ) ....luckily she is a good friend , and told me about it and of course told him to f**k off . Now I really see what a jerk he is.
I think your MM is a jerk . You probably fell in love with someone who was nice , but that isn't really who he is . I also fell in love with a guy who I thought was great , honest and nice .....but later who he really is came out . Just a jerk .
Move on honey . Forget about your MM . Maybe try to make things better at home with H and if you can't do that then maybe think of D but for YOU , not because you are making plans to be with another man .
I always told my MM if he did ever want to leave his wife , he should leave her because he wants to , not on my account .
I wish you all the best and many hugs .be strong , you can do it ! Viper
xoxo ViperDiva
You don't understand how a person can act like that or do such things because YOU are a good person . Honest person , Kind person . a person with a heart .A person who would never do such a thing .
it's kinda like when I think how can a person kill another person . Or how can a parent molest their own child ...........there are all sorts of people . because we are not like that it is hard for us to understand . I just learned to except it .
Yes the pain will go away someday . It may take time but it will . and when it will you will look back and laugh and say - gezz what was I thinking .
Don't feel like a fool for giving him your heart . It is not your fault he is a jerk . It is not your fault he deceived you . You enjoyed times with him , now his true colors come out and it's over . You are hurting because you miss the person you thought he is .
When you will except that he isn't what you thought he is , that will be your first step to heal . Don't hold on to what you thought he was , think about who and what he really is ..A JERK that has no problem playing with others emotions to get what he wants .
yes there are people who are like that .
It's ok to cry . but cheer up , be strong it will be ok .
and about your H well maybe you shouldn't take care of your part of the business maybe that will wake him up !!! ;-)
If you want to be with H , maybe you should talk about counseling . He needs to get his butt out of the biz and pay you more attention . hugs Viper
xoxo ViperDiva
hi redeyes, honey, there's no "figuring it out" -- because MM lost his nerve.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
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