Getting Antsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Getting Antsy
40
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 12:48pm
Well, I just don't know what to think at this point. Haven't heard from MM at all this week yet, I expected he would back at his job.

After we went thru 8-1/2 weeks NC (his choice) this fall, now I am always worried when I don't hear from him, that he's changed his mind again about seeing me.

I'm not fooling myself about love or anything, but I do have fond feelings for him and would really miss him if that's the case.

Also, if he does this to me again (NC for a long time), should I take him back? I'm giving him til beginning of next week to contact me, but if I don't hear from him til after then, then what?? Any suggestions?? Could use some advice!! Thanks.

Dusty

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Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 12:59pm
Well, I wouldn't put up with that crap! Is he just picking up the phone when he wants a booty call? I think maybe you need to do a little more soul searching. What kind of relationship do you really want with him and is he capable of giving you what you want. It's all about you, BABE:):) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 1:22pm
Hi dusty hon

I really, really feel for you, I have been watching you post on and off over this man for a while now, and I don’t know, it just doesn’t sound too good and I hate to see you so torn all the time.

This is what I would do, and maybe some would think this is bad advice...DO NOT contact him or email him. He will email you again -- without a doubt. When he does, do not email him back for a while. Wait a longer period of time than you normally would to get back to him -- let HIM wait. Next time he asks to get together, no matter how much you want to see him, do NOT meet him. Let me repeat, DO NOT MEET HIM! Tell him you can’t, you’re busy, etc. In fact, the best thing to do is to GET busy and actually not see him because of that! Let him miss you and wonder about you!!! See what happens.

I think whatever the outcome of this you will feel better about yourself. Even if this thing does die out between you two, you can let it die with YOUR dignity intact. If he does come around, take it from there (but like nomo said, really think about what you truly want from this relationship). Hope this helps a bit.

Hang in there!

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 1:42pm
dusty, honey, why are you giving MM excuses to abuse you emotionally? he's done this before, knows how you really hate it when he does this, has your email message from earlier this week AND STILL HE CONTINUES TO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP!! and you let him!

i know you're itching to find out what's going on by getting in forceable contact with your MM, but don't you have the answer staring you in the face? obviously, you are not even on his radar or he would have at least responded to your email.

absolutely you cannot take MM back if there is a prolonged period of NC again. you need to stay busy and distracted, every day, as much as possible, so you don't fall into the black hole of "when will MM contact me? is it over?? i miss him????"

do you really want to continue this R with someone who has very little respect for your feelings??

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:13pm
You girls are all right, I shouldn't put up with this crap and maybe I should make him wonder where I am for a change. I feel like I let everyone walk right over me, I know I do that with H, now here I am doing same thing with MM. I will take the advice. I'm not going to contact him. And if I see a message from him, I am going to try and ignore it for as long as I can stand. I am going to try and forget about him for the time being. I've already signed up for some classes, I'm going to keep myself busy. Thanks everyone. I don't know for sure what's going to happen, but I appreciate all your advice. It really helps me alot to hear it.

Dusty
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:25pm
Now I just feel like such a fool I think I'm going to cry. I was looking at the emails he sent when we started talking again, I WAS SO STUPID!! I just let him off the hook so easily for treating me so badly. And then he went and ignored me for another 4 weeks again after that. And I took him back in Nov. Now it seems to be happening all over again. I should just re-read those emails if I hear back from him, and REMIND myself how I just rolled over the last time.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:27pm
While the GF of my guy was in town over the holidays I was determined not to contact him and make him come to me. It was really hard, but I had one friend I could always count on to remind me why I was doing it. So whenever I was tempted I'd call her and she'd remind. She's been a great source of support through this.

If you're lucky enough to have someone you can count on for that sort of support don't be afraid to ask them to help you do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:28pm
stay with us, dusty!! check in here so we know you're okay. K?

stay strong, keep really busy and do whatever YOU WANT TO DO!

love ya,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:39pm
Thanks gurl. I'm trying not to start crying here at work because if I do I won't be able to stop. Rereading those emails and seeing how pathetic I was and how quick I took him back!! Its sickening.
xxxx
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:52pm
Dusty, Please stop beating yourself up! We all do things that we regret. Try to move forward and remember how much it hurts. Next time before you hit that send button when responding to him. Put it in a hold type of folder and go back an hour later and re read it. I think you might just not send it after all. Just a thought! Good luck! NMR
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
In reply to: dustyrose2
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:53pm
(hugs) i don't know your whole story, but just take some time to think about what is best for you. Don't be so hard on your self. Guilt and beating yourelf up won't change the past. Try, however, to see him objectively. Keep the emails, but don't be quite so hard on yourself. Love and Sex and MM are hard things to deal with sometimes!!!!

Hang in

Jen

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