Getting back to the way things were

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Getting back to the way things were
8
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 9:05am

Hi Everyone:


I so desperately need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 9:28am

Youre afraid that if you stop sleeping with him it will be bad for business??!! If this is how this man does business then he isn't much of a business man or a decent person for that matter!

You had a weak moment, you don't intend on doing it again. You tell him that. It's that simple. Take control of your life. He can be jealous all he wants, you're the one that is single....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 10:06am

Edited to remove content




Edited 1/2/2009 10:08 am ET by ckgkelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 10:06am

i can only give my experience...AP and I tried to let go at one point and it only lasted a short while...we didn't do NC, we remained pals, we still did dinner and he still called and spent time with my DS....we actually got along really really well with no intimacy..but having no intimacy killed us both and i think it gave us ulcers..although we knew that we could continue like that..but just would've been sick to our stomach, and that would have only been doing it to do what's right, so to speak...we talked and both decided...who defines what's right do us, and our NORMALCY in life...we do...we all have choices...so we decided to be intimate again and lovers and friends and boyfriend and girlfriend and continue on....it did NOT get harder..it got easier for us both...


try to think about what you truly want out of your relationship with him then go for it..whether it be the affair or just a friendship....make yourself happy and do what pleases you.....i would just say be careful being in an affair, it's an emotional roller coaster and those emotions can make you say, do, think and feel crazy things....


((HUGS))

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 12:36pm

I think you're giving up the goodies too easy. Men will not respect you that way. Maybe seriously cut down on the drinking for now too. Have you heard the saying: "Women play at sex to get love, while men play at love to get sex". So, I seem to see different goals here with these men.

It may be impossible to go back to just being friend with the MM. Usually once you cross that line, it's hard to uncrossed it. Time for you to do damaged control. Be honest with yourself. If this FWB thing with the MM is not what you want then tell him. You're single and it's not to your best interest to be just an OW to a MM.

There are consequences to sleeping with a MM and if that consequence be losing your job, then someone has to pay the piper. It's an expensive lesson but at least by being honest and not selling your soul just to keep your job, you will have peace of mind and still retain some of your dignity.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 6:06pm
I'm sure having him send business to your company is nice, but surely he's not the only source out there for business. You can't keep sleeping with someone just because he sends you business. That's prostitution. I mean, of course not in the literal sense, but think about it. I say set your boundaries and don't let him cross them for any reason. He'll get over it. And if he doesn't? Well...no love lost there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 6:25pm

Thanks for the responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 11:30pm

"So be it" about losing your job? Maybe she should lose a man that she doesn't want to sleep with anymore and keep the job? I think the job is more valuable.

If a man is texting you and wanting more and it makes you feel uncomfortable then obviously this isn't something you want or need in your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 2:07am

Yes, I would say that you have gotten yourself into a difficult place, but I would hardly compare what has happened to prostitution, that comment was way off in my opinion.

I think that now since you have crossed that boundary w/ this guy it's going to be next to impossible to changed back to the way things were. Just remember that you can not un-ring a bell. You have to let it reverberate, and deal w/ the damage. Like G2 said damage control is key right now.

Considering all the factors surrounding this sticky situation you are going to have to do this slowly. Slowly change your behavior when you're around him. Change the character traits about yourself that he found so attractive. For example, if he likes your out going personality, be very quiet, and withdrawn when your around him. If he thinks your funny, then be overly serious when he's there. Or you could really flip his script, and tell him that you are madly in love w/ him, and you both need to confront his W and tell her it's over for them, and that he is your man now. Of course you will never ever do that, but it might be enough to scare him into realizing that it wasn't meant for the two of you to be together. He will probably find himself trying to figure out how to let you down easy. LOL. I have done it before, and it worked for me, but I was younger, and didn't really have anything at stake like you and he have, but it could still work for you. I know it's not the conventional way of breaking up w/ someone, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

I don't know if I was any help to you, if not I hope that you will find a way to disentangle yourself from this mess. Good Luck!

Justice