Getting D and leaving name on mortgage??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Getting D and leaving name on mortgage??
10
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 11:00am
I am not sure what to do. I want to get through this D as quickly and painlessly as I can. Even my attorney says that it sounds like it will go smoothly (no fighting, no kids, etc). The problem is the finances. Two incomes split causes issues. The vehicles and such are no problem - the other credit cards and such aren't a problem either. The issue is the house.

Both of our names are on it. Three options - either A. sell the house, B. he refinances it to get me off of the loan, or C. I walk and just let him have it as is. I don't want the house. As much as I would love to have one, I don't need it. I need my life back. I want him to have it, and what little equity I have in it can go to him. But, with his income only, I don't know if he can qualify for the refinanace. On paper, he can pay the note no problem. He makes enough to do that. And, he really doesn't have any debt other than one credit card and his truck note. But, I don't know if they will approve him.

So, if that won't happen, I really don't want to sell. Don't want to have to worry about fixing it up, moving, etc. He might be able to go in on the refinance with his brother's income too if he moves in with him, but that is a long shot.

Then I was told that I could just walk. I don't think he would default, because anything he does would mess up me and also mess up him. So, I'm not worried about that. But, if I walk and just leave my name there, I won't be able to ever get financed for another house as long as that one is active. Getting financed for just about anything would be tough with a mortgage under my name. If he chose to sell it 5 years from now, would I have to come back and go through the closing with him?

Is there anyone out there with similar stories or with legal advice? I don't want him to lose this house due to my feelings changing about the M...especially since he still wants to reconcile. I just don't know if I walk to help him out in this aspect, if I will be crapping on myself in the process.

Thanks yall,

B

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 11:07am
Whatever else you guys do, DO NOT leave your name on the mortgage. If you are closing a chapter in your life, close it fully. Do not leave anything open that can come back and haunt you later. Some consequences that can happen...your husband gets a gf, a wife later on, maybe your life doesn't turn out too well, your husband defaults, you are already miserable and have all these others worries to think about too. Make a clean break financially.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:32pm
You should call a real estate attorney.. but I think you can do a Quit Claim Deed to turn the property over to him and release your interest in it. But PG is right -- under NO circumstances leave your name on the paperwork. It is a disaster waiting to happen. No telling what the future will bring and you need to protect your credit and your ability to borrow. Just my 2.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 3:39pm
I'm interested in this topic as I'm facing a similar situation. We just refinanced with a very good interest rate and she wants me to take my name off of the title but leave my name on the loan so she doesn't have to refinance.

My W is the most conscientious person I know so I have NO concerns about her defaulting on the loan at all. In fact, she is the main reason I have such flawless credit. I too am giving up equity in the house (primarily to get her to agree to the custody I want). And my kids will be living there with her half of the time so I'm comfortable with it.

But I guess I never considered when I am ready to buy a house. It probably won't be for 4-5 years, but when I get to that point, I assume she would refinance. I guess it all depends on how much trust you have in this person. Having children with my W and knowing her like I do, I don't have too many concerns. But I could see how problems could arise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 3:40pm
I did a quit claim deed ! Ex paid me my half of house when he remorgaged for D. I didn't want to live there until my daughter turned eighteen and then have to sell and split it! I wanted it all over at once to start my new life. Believe me, you might be getting along right now, but no divorce is all roses ! My Ex turned from wishing we would stay together to trying any possible way to hurt me. Hang in there and make a clean break and take anything you are entitled to now. Don't be nice because you feel guilty. It will bite you in the end. I am living proof !
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:12am
Thanks for the advice. I am not sure what I was thinking..it sounds like a crazy idea to leave my name on the loan. The quit claim is a definite to get me off of the title regardless of what happens with the loan. Omaha, thanks for your story. Although I do trust him, I want a break from him and not have to be tied to him later. We have no children, so that connection isn't there. I would hate to have to come back five years from now to refinance when we had both moved on with our lives.

I actually talked to two mortgage lenders today - one company and one independent lender. Both seemed to think that he could get financed on his income alone because of his lack of debt. That made me feel much better and hopeful.

I'll keep you posted - I'm sure I'm not the only one going through these kind of questions...

Thanks yall, FMH6

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 8:45am
BTDT! This is what I did...let him keep me on the mortgage and my name also stayed on the deed. I called the bank every month to be sure the mortgage was paid on time. When I got ready to build a new house I made him refinance in exchange for my giving him a Quit Claim Deed which the bank held until closing. At that point he assumed all of my equity in the home and I walked away to start over completely on a new home. In my case there was over $30,000 in equity when I left.

This is what I wish I had done...I wish I had put conditions in our divorce decree which required him to refinance the home within X amount of time and sell the house if he couldnt comply, splitting the equity 50/50 with me. I also wish I would have put something in the the divorce decree which required him to pay me 50% of the equity at the time of the refinance due and payable upon the sale of the house...I think that would have been both fair and equitable to each of us. He wouldnt have had to cough up the dough until he sold the house and had the cash and I would only be entitled to 50% of the equity in the house at the point when I was no longer involved (using the appraisal at the time of refinance for a value). I know the value of the house would only continue to rise so I wouldnt expect 50% of the total equity only that which existed at my time of departure.

We all make poor financial decisions and this was one of mine...I walked away with next to nothing to start over from stratch. The one good thing about that is that I stood on my own two feet and have been able to build my life with my current husband from the ground up...the only thing is that I can think of MANY places for that $15,000 to go right now since my EXH just sold the house...

Consult with your attorney for a reasonable answer that will work out well for both of you, just remember that no amount of money is worth your sanity and happiness and if walking away is what you choose to do, dont look back, just move forward!

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:22pm
Have him refinance and give you money and get your name off the mortgage! That's what my attorney and CPA both said. Their reasoning is that if your name is on there, and for some reason he defaults on the loan, you become liable and it's you they will come after for payments that he missed, back taxes, etc. against a house you don't want!!! Believe me, work out how much he will pay you, and get your name off the mortgage!! It's one less thing that can come back and bite you in the behind later on!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:25pm
Don't sign a quit claim deed - that means that you get nothing out of the house!!! If you sign one of them without working out some type of settlement to get some money from either his refinance, his own pocket, whatever - you get nothing. Your name is off the house and you get no money from the future sale or anything.

Get a lawyer, make arrangements and agreements in writing, and then sign your part of the house away. Don't give it away for absolutely nothing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:29pm
Omahamm -

If your name is already on one mortgage, do you think you'll be able to sign for another? Maybe you will, but I know that in my situation, I almost couldn't sign for my car loan because I had the mortgage payment (which my ex paid) plus my other bills and didn't show the income for it all to buy the car!

Refinance again, spend the money now, make any arrangements you need to, and get your name off the mortgage. No, she probably won't default, but it's just one less thing for you to have hanging out there on your financial records....

Trust me! Just did it last year - and on the advice of both my attorney and CPA got my name off. I paid for this bit of information - you guys can benefit, okay?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:42pm
Well I am actually giving up my equity in the house in exchange for the custody situation I want. Again, the children involved make my situation a little different. My W and I will have to continue to work together on them so we will have to stay on civil terms. Plus, as I said earlier, she truly is a responsible person and I know there is no possible way she would default on the loan.

I guess in my situation, things are tenuously positive and I don't want to interject any negativity into it unless I need to. I will definitely have her refinance when I am ready to buy my next home down the road. It will probably be 4 to 5 years before that point anyway. But again, my D will probably go much more smoothly than most. We literally have agreed on just about everything. I appreciate what you're saying about getting your share of the money from the equity. But my circumstances dictate otherwise. I'm willing to sacrifice my share of that and our savings (grand total of about $40,000) in order to make my kids' lives easier. They will be able to stay in the same house and they will have almost equal time with each parent. And I won't be paying child support either (just so you don't think I'm ignoring financial things). Just wanted to give you the details on my situation and why I'm doing what I'm doing.