Getting married next month

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Getting married next month
14
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 3:31pm
I hope someone can help me, where do I begin?? My affair is turning into such a mess, it was suppose to be a one night stand. Im 26 my Fiance is 27. Im suppose to be getting married in less than 3 weeks!. During the whole year of planning for the wedding my BF and I have become so preoccupied and stressed with the wedding that our sex life became non-existent. We live together also, so there is no excuse. I never planned on cheating on him and I am in love with him and could not imagine my life without him, I dont know why this is happening. So anyway, 2 months ago I went out afterwork with some people from my office for happy hour. There is this guy I work with that is really cute and we did flirt quite a bit at work, but never serious. This was a bad week for me and Fiance and I was getting really tired and fed up of no sex, he was always tired or just not in the mood. So Happy hour is over and me and the OM are still chatting at the bar realizing we have so much in common and are really enjoying talking to each other. We start talking a lot closer and the flirting becomes a lot more heavier. The next thing I know we are making out like two lovers on a first date! The feeling was so intense, shocks went through my body! We left it like that and I approached him the next day at work to avoid the awkwardness of the whole thing and explained to him that I was engaged and we cant do this. He agreed, but we just kind of stood there and stared at each other with this longing look of lust in our eyes, the next thing I know we are going at it again- Pure adrenaline rush!! at the end of the day we meet for happy hour again (BF is so pre-occupied with wedding he didn't even notice.) We have a few drinks and cant keep our hands off each other, well we leave the bar (In his car) and the next thing I know we are at some little motel having the most intensive, wild, orgasmic lovemaking session ever!! After we left the Hotel I did feel kind of guilty, but I felt no guilt, no emotion either towards the OM- it was just pure physical release and it felt really, really good. Since then my sex life with Fiance has picked back up again and our relationship is excellent. Here is my problem. I love my Fiance to death and I have no doubt I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I am physically and emotionally attracted to him. I could never picture myself doing anything with the OM than sex, he is definitely not the type I would want for a relationship, and most definitely not marriage. Why do I feel no emotion though? Am I a horrible person? Am I normal? I feel like I should feel guilty, but I don't- I am getting married in less than a month and having sex with this OM at least once a week now. The other night I met OM for a quickie, we are on the pill so he does cum inside me. That night though, I went home and had sex with my Fiance a few hours later- my Fiance commented on how wet I was, he had no idea it was actually the OM's cum from a few hours before. I am not the slutty type, but I feel like one. Do you think I should just continue on for the pure physical enjoyment I get out of this, or should I end it now, I dont plan on doing this forever with the OM- it is just something right now that is a break from my stress. The OM is cool with everything, respects my limits, does not want an emotional attachment either. He is not trying to get me to leave my Fiance and for us it is a mutually beneficial thing. Does anyone think I am doing something wrong?? Please help me and tell me im not crazy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 11:27am
My opinion -- DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH THE WEDDING.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 9:23am
Michele. Enough is enough. You've had your fling, why continue it.

You say that the relationship w/your fiance' is great, the sex is back on track, you're attracted to him, in love with him.......So what's the problem? Why is there a yearning to continue sleeping with OM???? Let it go before it gets really complicated.

You don't & have never wanted him for anything but sex & that was a result of not getting any from your fiance'. Well, you're getting it now. Stop it w/OM. Cut your losses now.

Trust me when I say (as I'm sure others here will say, too) it's not worth it. Why are you jeopardizing your relationship with the man you intend to marry? Why are you jeopardizing your health. If OM is sleeping w/you without protection, surely he's doing the same with others...just as you are doing the same with your fiance'. Are you willing to die & kill your fiance' because of sexual escapades with someone for whom you have no feelings? Sweetie it's NOT worth it.

Let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 10:04am
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Michele, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. You're justifying your actions by saying "it makes me happy and not harming anyone." You don't think that if this affair escalates your fiance' won't be harmed by it? Even NOW, with the affair as it is, don't you think your fiance' would be hurt? If you've contracted something from your one time of no protection & passed it on to your fiance', wouldn't that be harm? How would you explain (a) where you got it from & (b) that he needs to be treated, too? Would he want to go through with the marriage if he knew? Wouldn't that hurt you & him? The only one who has nothing to lose here is the OM.

All of us here can tell you: It may make you happy now, but that happiness does not last forever. The pain that it will bring won't be worth the exhilarating sex you're having now.

KG

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 2:39pm
OMG, that is so gross.

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