Getting an Odd Vibe
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Getting an Odd Vibe
| Fri, 05-21-2010 - 11:20pm |
Maybe it's just squirrels running rampant, but I've been getting an odd vibe with AP the last couple of days.
There's really not much we don't talk about: work, kids, politics, local happenings, sex, you name it.

Aw, man, that sucks.
Thanks, Jane!
Because I'm, well, me (lol), I sent him an email.
anotherseyes
squirrels it is.. i think for a lot of As, there is a one-sided pull-push dynamic that happens.. one P ends up needing that "space" whereas the other gets challenged by this uncommunicated but acted upon need for space..
my call is to use my instincts, and with
Whenever there's a day that my OM and I don't e-mail, it's always because I haven't gotten back to him. I get these times when I tell him I feel "boring". I have nothing to say! Everything is so normal and uneventful, that I feel like I have nothing to say and if I try to force myself it'll look like a bunch of boring cr@p and he'll finally realize just how ordinary I am LOL!! Which reminds me, I definitely owe him a big e-mail today!
So a lot of times when you don't hear from someone, it could just be that, on that day, they have nothing to say! :-)
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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That was a good idea to just ask him.
My .02 and knowing your timeline and when things started...sounds about "normal" for these types of R's :)
I saw it in my a, too. I think things start all hot & heavy, but at some point reality and real-life sets in. IMO, THAT'S when it gets HARD :) It's NOT easy...having a job, family, home, responsibilities AND the a on the side... It is exhausting, and I know it was hitting this exact same issue when I had to REALLY decide if having mm in my life was "worth it".
I always appreciate hearing from a man's perspective:).
The thing is, I don't think he's wanting space: he flat out said he didn't.
anotherseyes
Hi Everyone,
First of all, I am new here so hi to everyone and I hope you are all having a wonderful Sunday afternoon!
Soooo funny that you brought this subject up just now, as a previous poster mentioned, I was going to talk about this as well. My A has only been going on for a few weeks.
I met him a couple of months after his wife discovered about his previous philanderer tendencies and she has been devastated since (great time to start an A, huh?..). Ironically enough we met in an SLAA group... (what do you expect though when you put a bunch of S and L addicts in the same room??)..
Anyways, he has been on complete house watch since, can not use internet, wife has his email password, calls him 30 times a day... In spite of that he has been calling me about 2-6 times a day on his secret cell-phone, and we have been meeting 2-3 times a week.
The hot-cold game is driving me crazy though. Most of the time he leaves me the sweetest messages and then out of the blue something neutral and he sounds bored and indifferent and hesitant to meet. Then all of a sudden is admiring again and is plotting how to meet for the next few weeks in advance... As a previous poster mentioned, it might also have something do with the fact to that we can not be always witty/entertaining/romantic 24 hours a day..
Argh... Anyways, I guess the best is to give them room and let them miss you a bit when they become distant. Let'em stew in their home life with their spouse a bit without hearing from you, and make them realize how special you are and how their lives would be without you.
I guess in all relationships, no matter how stable they seem there is a danger that the other can walk out on you. But in our case probably it is a lot more likely and we all constantly dread that phone call about 'sorry, we need to stop seeing each other, I have to work on my M/ spouse is too suspicious and I can't risk it' etc. etc.
It is one of the biggest roller coasters one can be on. From heaven to hell and then back over and over... Often within one day..