getting past it soooooooooo slowly

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
getting past it soooooooooo slowly
2
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 11:49am
OK, part of why i like this board is i can come here to complain when i don't feel i can go to MM anymore. i CAN go to him, but i don't always want to be sad around him.

MM told me for two months he'd leave his wife for me, changed his mind columbus day weekend. Now, i use the term loosely, change his mind. Because he's always telling me he's not absolutely sure, he feels there's a "__" percent chance we'll end up together... i feel like i am on that stupid game show and i am waiting for his "final answer". For my own mental health, i am treating the situation as though i know for sure he isn't coming to me (because i don't think he is). Perhaps i should phone a friend or poll the audience LOL.

OK well this was two weeks ago give or take right?? So i thought i'd be over it by now. i mean really, part of me knew he had to be unsure about leaving a 20 year marriage. i see him just about every day. We talk EVERY day. We talk just about every hour!! All day long we talk. We can't keep away from each other. We love each other. He is always there for me to cry on about my divorce, or about our future that i thought we had. He has NEVER turned me away, NEVER let more than a few hours go by without calling me unless we arranged it, NEVER let more than a day go by without seeing me, i am not exaggerating. We live 2 minutes away and his family knows about me, i am seperated, so we just don't have anything to hide. We go to functions together (most recent being big work BBQ from my employer), we are like we are together. Point being, this is not a complaint of him pulling away. Actually i am darn lucky to have such an attentive adn open relationship with MM.

But as i said, i thought i'd be over the hurt of the mind changing by now. i still get caught up in how i have lost so much recently: my best girlfriend, my marriage (no great loss but you are still giving up your hopes and dreams about being married) and now my future with him. Sometimes i get so sad. i know i want to keep going with this, but i don't want my sadness to take away from this great relationship and i don't want my sadness to push him away. i *am* getting over it, i just thought be more "better" by now!

i try reminding myself how lucky i am that we do have so much time together and that he is so attentive. Any other advice??

As i said, i just need a place to vent my pain without always running to him. Thanks for listening guys!!

jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 12:05pm
hi jenn. listen, you do have lots of time and attention from your MM, but obviously it's not enough and you want more -- a future together, all the time, right? is that really "lucky"??

you're in control of this situation. if he's not leaving his M, you'll have to settle for what you have, nothing more. if you want more, then you have to decide if you should stay in the relationship with MM, or move on. and of course MM is there for you. you "need" him and that's a powerful feeling to give someone. do you like being so dependent on MM?

yes, your marriage is over. happens to the best of us, honey. and if she really was "your best girlfriend" she would still by your best girlfriend, so no loss there! jenn, you have your whole life in front of you. instead of sitting around feeling sorry for all you've lost, look at the positive things you've gained -- your freedom, a new start, etc. keep focused on your future and decide what you want from here on out.

good luck and take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 12:18pm
Hey Jenny, I hope you're out there looking for a nice unattached guy now you're D. Because that's what you deserve, not someone married who's sitting on the fence or leading you on. And really, if you do find someone and start dating, and MM knows that, it may force his hand. If he really loves you that could give him the motivation to leave his W, don't you think? Good luck with everything.

Dusty
xxxx