Getting off the rollercoaster ...
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| Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:15am |
I feel that I'm risking a lot to be with him. I would be with him and take the risk if I knew I had his love and that he really loved me, and not just as a friend. I don't want him to leave his W nor do I have any plans to leave DH. I love both men, MM more, of course. Been married over 20 years and it would hurt too many people. He has 2 small kids that he's extremely close with. So I am taking huge risks for this MM. He is doing the same but for what?
I believe that if you're going to take risks what you're getting in exchange better be worth the thing being risked. I value MM and weighed this out before I jumped in knowing full well that if caught it'd better be worth it. And it was and has been. But I don't feel that he has the same values. Maybe men in general don't. At least that's how I see it in my MM. He's in this EMA and if caught I don't feel like he'd view me as being worth what he's risking. And that hurts. Besides, I'm worth more than that. So, I guess I'll join Xterra on the "other" board.
Hugs and best wishes to all
Who knows ... maybe thing will change and maybe I'll be back on the ride of my life. I said I'd end things when the pain outweighed the pleasure. My "mistake" was falling in love with this man when he's not in love with me and that's why I feel this way.
Luvin

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Edited 3/10/2004 4:49 pm ET ET by geek_chic
i'm sorry if that's harsh, but the truth is that you and MM have been FWBs and FWOBs, on and off, back and forth, so you should be used to the missed lunch or phone call or dropped get-together. if now YOU want more from the EMA/A, you should end it, because MM has been telling you for some time (from "my love" to "my buddy" for goodness sake - that says it right there!!) that he's pulling away.
you can be "friends" later. much later. but it sounds to me like MM is pulling away because you've gotten much more serious and he's not there.
back off for awhile and see what happens. maybe MM just needs some time to decide if he wants to be with you or just end it. but only you can control you, so if that's your decision to end contact now, go for it!
good luck honey and keep your chin up,
gurl
Be sure to check back in with us despite where your road takes you...we'd love to hear how you're doing...
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Save a seat for me on the other board, because it appears my A is fading too.
Keep your chin up and remember how wonderful you truly are!
Sending you lots of hugs
And no, you're not sounding harsh, not at all. I'm somewhat used to the missed appts, etc., but I don't like being called on only when HE has a need. A few times I told him I was thinking of moving to another part of the state and every time he literally panicks, calls the next day to see if the offer we made was accepted, etc. I know he relies on me for support. He calls asking if I will always be his friend, no matter what, thru thick and thin, etc.
So I've backed off before and then he calls, and we start back as FWOBs, we miss eachother (unspoken) and when we do see eachother he's flirting, etc. Then I cave in and the rest is history. Then we're back to FWBs. And the cycle continues. I want to end this cycle but my timing isn't too good since he's in a situation where he could use my friendship and support, if nothing else. That's why I told him I'd always be there for him but as friends only.
It's tough, but this is something I have to do. I need to redirect my energy to my M and my DH right now which is hard, because it's MM who's in my heart.
Let me stop before I start boo-hooing. Thanks for your insight, gurl. Email me at mrsjones2003@hotmail.com.
Luvin
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message #: 33919.x in response to 33919.1
from: member00072145
to: sanshop2003
date: 8:49 pm
I had to add my 2 cents on this. Just a little something to think about when your out there ripping families appart.
I'm 26 years old, single, never been married and never had a boyfriend....been single all my life. A few days after my 26th birthday, my mom told me that my dad had been cheated on her from the very start of their marriage. They married young, mom was 16 and dad 23. Both were living in a foreign country. Mom had no one to turn to , no one to call.
When she told me that my heart just broke to pieces.I just could feel her pain.I was angry like crazy.My dad cheated on her with many women.
However, as stupid and selfish as he was he never taugh of the consequences that it did on us kids.
When people talk about affairs they never seem to talk about the consequences on the kids.
Knowing that my dad has done that, well my image of men iosn't too pretty and no I certainly do not look foward of getting married someday.I'm more scared of getting married than being locked in a cage with snakes. I often hear that women tend to fall for men similar to their dads...well I pray and hope that I don't ever fall for a man like my dad.
My mom did let him know that she knew about what he had done.My dad had his head down the entire time and he was very embarressed and couldn't even say a word.He had tears in his face and all he could say to my mom was: why didn't you tell me you knew all these years?"
One things that men and women who cheat need to realize is they think they willnot get caught, they think that the only preson that could possibly hurt his their partner. What they need to realize is that there is something more painful than any STD or diseases out there....The anger of their kids towards them.
Like it or not after throwing everything away, they should remember that they are not going to be young and good looking for ever, when they can no longer run around who will they turn to? They have betrayed everyone, broken everyone 's heart for selfish reasons.The kids and spouse they have betrayed?Most likely they( spouse that has beeen cheated on and the kids) will not want to do a single thing with them nor see them.Conclusion: you end up alone, no one trusts you anymore cause you hurt and betrayed everyone, none of the kids will stick by your side to help you out, you end up alone, old , tired, miserable and no kids to look after you cause you betrayed them as well.
Nice future huh? keep it up.
I am a mother of 3 involved in an A with a MM who has 1 child and they are our first priority, we love our children and want them to be happy. If we as parents are happy then that will reflect onto our children. We may be parents but we have needs also, and if they can not be met with our spouses then so be it.
Seeburg
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